Monday, March 30, 2009
pictures from some time ago...
i love riding!!! thank God it only started raining after we found a lot... but we still got wet... oh well :D
Health check at Raffles Hospital...
Meet up with Isaac at Boon Lay and chillout at Tampines (:
Me and MoMo dearie...
Working at Agnes B Fashion Show!
hanging out with friends & spending time with God really help with mending a broken heart... i'm still hurting inside but i will be fine...
now, i'm scared of any relationships... to me, trust is now so vulnerable... once you become close to someone, you will subconsciously place expectations on that person and things will get a little bizzare...
i just want some time on my own...
shopping alone, walking on the streets alone...
想起和你逛街，吃冰淇淋的时候。。。
i love riding!!! thank God it only started raining after we found a lot... but we still got wet... oh well :D
Health check at Raffles Hospital...
Meet up with Isaac at Boon Lay and chillout at Tampines (:
Me and MoMo dearie...
Working at Agnes B Fashion Show!hanging out with friends & spending time with God really help with mending a broken heart... i'm still hurting inside but i will be fine...
now, i'm scared of any relationships... to me, trust is now so vulnerable... once you become close to someone, you will subconsciously place expectations on that person and things will get a little bizzare...
i just want some time on my own...
shopping alone, walking on the streets alone...
想起和你逛街，吃冰淇淋的时候。。。
XOXO
Thursday, March 26, 2009
我写了一首歌：回忆的痛
一个人在黑暗的房间里面，
希望自己能快乐一点。
想把回忆一个个锁上，
装进厢子送到远处。
知道伤心不能改变什么，
所以常常逼自己开心一些。
可是我的情绪我无法控制，
没有你的事实很真实。
爱你，想你，渴望拥有你，
不是一件看似简单的事。
恨你，气你，不想放弃你，
只会更伤自己。
I wrote a song: The pain of memories
Sitting there alone in the room so dark,
wishing that i would be happier but i can't.
hoping to lock these memories,
fit them into boxes and send them off.
i know that feeling hurt won't change a thing,
so i force myself to be the happy.
i can't control these feelings within me,
because the truth about your absence is too real.
love you, thinking about you, wish that i could still hold you;
is never that easy, never that simple.
hate you, blame you but can't let you go,
will only hurt me more.
一个人在黑暗的房间里面，
希望自己能快乐一点。
想把回忆一个个锁上，
装进厢子送到远处。
知道伤心不能改变什么，
所以常常逼自己开心一些。
可是我的情绪我无法控制，
没有你的事实很真实。
爱你，想你，渴望拥有你，
不是一件看似简单的事。
恨你，气你，不想放弃你，
只会更伤自己。
I wrote a song: The pain of memories
Sitting there alone in the room so dark,
wishing that i would be happier but i can't.
hoping to lock these memories,
fit them into boxes and send them off.
i know that feeling hurt won't change a thing,
so i force myself to be the happy.
i can't control these feelings within me,
because the truth about your absence is too real.
love you, thinking about you, wish that i could still hold you;
is never that easy, never that simple.
hate you, blame you but can't let you go,
will only hurt me more.
XOXO
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
.Confused.Blurred.Hurt.
.烦.乱.痛.
Letter to him:
It was really painful to hear the truth. It was something that i didn't really imagine. I trusted you so much and love you with my everything. I never thought that you would go something like that to me. I won't blame you. I pray that you will change for the better. Make decisions that you won't regret because always remember that when you hurt others, you hurt yourself too.
I still love you even after all that you did.
Letter to her:
I was really disappointed and shock. You were my closest friend in Atrium Cafe. To me, you are like my little sister. Loving your brother-in-law behind my back was a really nasty thing to do. I don't know why you did that and i won't blame you because it's not all your fault. He said that you are really noble because you choose to walk away. To me, that's not at all noble; to step in and exit as you wish.
My last word to you is, don't treat boys as part-time lovers. I know your history but i will not judge. Jesus love you, so do i...
给他的信：
听到真相真的很痛苦。我从没想像你会这样做。窝是那么爱你，那么相信你。我不相信你会这样对我。我不会怪你。我祈祷你会改过自新。不要老是做一些你会后悔的决定，因为当你伤害别人，你也会伤害自己。
我还是爱着你。
给她的信：
我是真的很惊讶也很失望。你是我在西餐厅就好的朋友。你就像我的妹妹。背着我爱上自己的姐夫真的很可恶。我不知道你为什么要那样做但是我不会怪你因为那不只是你的错。因为你决定离开，他说你很好，很伟大。但对我来说，你一点也不好，一点也不伟大；喜欢就来，玩完就走。
最后想说的是，不要把身边的男生当玩偶。我知道你过去的一切，但我不会审判。耶稣爱你，我也是。
Dear Lord, i trust You with my life my everything. And i pray for the two of them. Wherever they are at, Lord You bless them. Father i pray that You send your angels to love them, guide them and protect them. Father, in places where there need to be healing, Lord You heal.
In Jesus' name i pray,
Amen.
亲爱的主耶稣，我把一切交托给你。我为他们两祈祷。无论他们在哪里，我求主你保佑他们。我请求你派一些天使去爱他们，领导他们，保护他们。如果有伤痛的地方，我求主你能把伤痛给带走。
奉耶稣的圣名请求，
阿门。
XOXO
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
i'm blessed...to have family, friends and so many others who cares for me... i really really thank God for them...
Isaac
Coral
Annabel
Meredith
Michelle Guna
Grace Ke
Monica
Mei Zhu
Unice
Aaron
Pastor Mark
Aunty Ayelan
and even my hommies from Sanya... haha... i love them lah... they are super duper cute... after i told them what happened, they was like so angry with (him) and wanted to like beat (him) up lah... haha
anyways another thing to thank God for... i got a job!!! finally!!!! haha... so there will be income and things to do...
想念
XOXO
Friday, March 20, 2009
我受够了等待
你所谓的安排
说的未来
到底多久才来
总是要来不及
才知道我可爱
我想依赖
而你却都不在
应该开心的地带
你给的全是空白
一个人假日发呆
找不到人陪我看海
我在幸福的门外
却一直都进不来
你累积给的伤害
我是真的很难释怀
终於看开爱回不来
而你总是太晚明白
最后才把话说开
哭著求我留下来
终於看开爱回不来
我们面前太多阻碍
你的手却放不开
宁愿没出息求我别离开
你总是要我乖
慢慢计划将来
我的眼泪却一直掉下来
过去怎黱交代
你该给的信赖
被你亲手缓缓推入悬崖
从我脸上的苍白
看到记忆慢下来
过去甜蜜在倒带
只是感觉已经不在
而我对你的期待
被你一次次摔坏
已经碎成太多块
要怎黱拼凑跟重来
You give and take away,
my heart will choose to say,
Lord blessed be Your name...
你所谓的安排
说的未来
到底多久才来
总是要来不及
才知道我可爱
我想依赖
而你却都不在
应该开心的地带
你给的全是空白
一个人假日发呆
找不到人陪我看海
我在幸福的门外
却一直都进不来
你累积给的伤害
我是真的很难释怀
终於看开爱回不来
而你总是太晚明白
最后才把话说开
哭著求我留下来
终於看开爱回不来
我们面前太多阻碍
你的手却放不开
宁愿没出息求我别离开
你总是要我乖
慢慢计划将来
我的眼泪却一直掉下来
过去怎黱交代
你该给的信赖
被你亲手缓缓推入悬崖
从我脸上的苍白
看到记忆慢下来
过去甜蜜在倒带
只是感觉已经不在
而我对你的期待
被你一次次摔坏
已经碎成太多块
要怎黱拼凑跟重来
You give and take away,
my heart will choose to say,
Lord blessed be Your name...
XOXO
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
need a hope, will you give it to me?
Everyday seems like it's all gloomy;
just the weather...
Teaching my youngest brother is a chore;
that increases my blood pressure...
Entertaining my grandma's nonsense,
is becoming challenging...
The silence from my confused parents...
The sound of boring television shows...
Received a letter from TP,
I'm finally graduating...
Thank God!
Things I need to do:
THURSDAY_work :)
FRIDAY_help Meredith with filming :D
Things I want to do:
- manicure at Far East
- eat Shilin XXL Crispy Chicken
- dance
- sing at Kbox etc
- go jogging
- relax at the beach
Things I want to buy:
- camera
- dresses
- tank tops
- jeans
Everyday seems like it's all gloomy;
just the weather...
Teaching my youngest brother is a chore;
that increases my blood pressure...
Entertaining my grandma's nonsense,
is becoming challenging...
The silence from my confused parents...
The sound of boring television shows...
Received a letter from TP,
I'm finally graduating...
Thank God!
Things I need to do:
THURSDAY_work :)
FRIDAY_help Meredith with filming :D
Things I want to do:
- manicure at Far East
- eat Shilin XXL Crispy Chicken
- dance
- sing at Kbox etc
- go jogging
- relax at the beach
Things I want to buy:
- camera
- dresses
- tank tops
- jeans
XOXO
Monday, March 16, 2009
心痛
心碎
快死了
很想放手。。。
心碎
快死了
很想放手。。。
XOXO
Sunday, March 15, 2009
sometimes
有时候
有时候
i don't know what the future brings........ really
but i will trust in God...
我不知道将来会是怎么样的。。。。。。。真的
但是我会选择相信神。。。
XOXO
Saturday, March 14, 2009
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY PRECIOUS BABY BEAR!我亲爱的小熊弟弟，生日快乐！
:)
XOXO
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
你知道吗，你是第一个喜欢听我唱歌的人！
XOXO
Monday, March 09, 2009
keep your eyes on me
I've learn a lot over the past weeks... while waiting for job opportunities, while facing my parents and family, while being with friends...
whether in times of uncertainty, when fears creep into my heart; God never fail to remind me to on look at him... i thank God for everything that He have done... even though there were times when i complain and whine about it, but i can truly say that God's plans are the best plans...
i also thank God for friends... this afternoon i decided to take a look at my old tagboard... i read through every single message that was left... i was really touched... bertrand, james, sulynn, chooby, coral, shenna, isaac, aiken, othat, kenneth, fangxian and everyone else...
oh a rather random note, i really miss Sanya... my one and only fairytale land, Sanya will no longer be the same again... to me, Sanya is a place of escape, it's my fairytale land... but slowly, that place will be empty as characters of the story leave and exit the show...
i cried when the news hit me that my fairytale land would be gone... flashback, scenes of past memories flooded my head... even if i return to Sanya now at this very minute, things wouldn't be the same as 6months ago (when i first step into Sanya)...
time flies isn't it? it's been 6 months since i left for Sanya last sept and 3 months since i'm back in Singapore... how weird, how strange...
i miss the monday blues as i prepare to go to school, miss grumbling about the stupid Bus 69 queue at Bedok Interchange... miss the late-nights and random hangouts... miss the friday music meeting/jamming... miss the simpang supper... miss the wake up early on saturday and head down to youthroom to count stock... miss the busy saturdays and beer garden dinner... miss the meredith car-ride and sunday dance slots...
i finally understood how hard it is to climb back when you've fallen from such a high level... i've never given up on my dreams... it was (you) that pulled my dream away from me... i don't blame (you) because i know your reasons... as much as i want to be back at where Maddy was before Sept'08, i can't...
HOWEVER, i know the reason why i still hang on to my dreams and that's because i love God and these dreams are God-inspired dreams... even when i'm out of ministry, i will not stop serving God... i will not stop blessing individuals even if i'm no longer at a "leader" position...
because of the love i have for Jesus, i will make Him famous...
XOXO
Thursday, March 05, 2009
在这一天渴望时间被上锁
让这一天过慢一点
永远都在日落
一天就让我们在另一边
每一滴雨水的掉落
全代表我对你的承诺
望着橘色黎明的窗前
希望你也看到爱的光线
绕个圈
红橙黄绿蓝靛紫呈现在天边
无可取代(你的爱)
跟你分享的现在
对你的爱
简单的让你明白
无可取代(我的爱)
梦中一再排好的未来
对你的爱无所不在
浓浓散不开
无可取代 (你的爱)
在我心里的存在
我们的爱
绝不是一场意外
无可取代(我的爱)
刻在脑海甜蜜的对白
我们的爱控制不来
满满好实在
XOXO
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
沒開口的話 怎樣才能懂
我好想把畫面倒帶回頭
你留在我心中 熟悉的表情
每個溫暖純白的記憶 穿越了距離
擁擠的人潮 沒有人知道
我偷偷想你 嘴角就會笑
不要說對不起 也不要問原因
就讓世界不停的向前 別忘記從前
最愛還是你 這是我的決定
像宇宙相對的星 互相吸引
慢慢就會靠近 還是要愛你
時間會證明 我愛你的勇氣
牽著你的手 才知道是永久
這一次我放棄了所有
是為了再與你相遇
一輩子不放手
XOXO
这辈子最疯狂的事，就是爱上了你，而最大的希望，就是有你陪我疯一辈子。
这一生我只牵你的手，因为今生有你早已足够。
认识你才知道，有一种心情叫作想念，有一种感觉叫作爱。
假如可以的话，我愿意花去生命中的每一分每一秒陪你。
幸福只存在于你我相聚的时刻，每天我的动力来源就是见到你，和你说说话。
我愿化作一阵和风，穿过崇山峻岭来到你的窗前，将你温柔包围。
你听见那流星划过天际的声音吗？不管距离多远，总有一个我在等着你。
XOXO
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY MONICA DEAR!!!
p.s: Meizhu dear, i miss you loads...
p.s: Meizhu dear, i miss you loads...
XOXO
Monday, March 02, 2009
walking in the rain brings back memories...today i went to the airport to send off our dearest Mei Zhu... she will be going to Qingdao to learn business from her uncle for almost 2 months... i'm very excited for her because at least she knows what she will be doing in the next 2 months and she will be able to meet her boyfriend in Qingdao...
looking at myself, i can't help but sigh... "what am i suppose to do now?" is a question that i ask myself almost every hour of the day... no job offers, no interview slots, no anything... when i heard of people getting called up for interview or work and i have none, i really wonder in despair...
"the economy is bad so it's normal to be jobless", that's what they all told me... but what about that girl/guy who got the job offer? i really don't understand as i find myself stuck in a hole... i will try to smile and be strong in front of others but deep inside i'm so freaking scared... scared of the "left out" feeling...
but all i can do is to sing this to You, Lord...
All that i am is in You,
all that i seek is to follow You.
I'll run to Your side when You call,
there is the hope i am longing for.
Just to be by Your side,
there is hope in my life,
there is no greater freedom i'll find.
take my life,
all that i have to give.
take my world,
just to inhabit in all of it.
take my dreams,
make me assuredly Yours.
在雨中散步让我想起很多事
今天我到机场去送美竹到青岛。这次美竹会去大概两个月，而我真的替她感到很开心。因为她会向她的舅舅学做生意，她也能和她的男朋友见面。
我希望雨后的天空赶快来。这场雨已经下了很久，是时候应该停了。我想看看雨后的彩虹，蓝天，白云。不管是工作，亲情或感情，我都希望一切能okay。
因为挣扎了太久，我会慢慢的感到很累。
我只想简简单单的过每一天。
XOXO