Tuesday, December 30, 2008
the Christmas that i really looked forward to but never came...我期待但没来的圣诞节
Christmas is over and I'm counting down to the start of 2009... i wonder what 2009 will bring... with much excitement and fear i stand at the gate of 2009... as i look back on 2008, i can't help but thank God for being beside me the whole time... even when times i stray away, He never fail to prove His great love for His precious children...
2008 was the start of my 3rd and final year in TP... it seems like yesterday when i first went for orientation... the final year is full of interesting stuff... not only you choose your elective, you also get to choose your internship company...
with the help from God, i manage to pass my subjects and even got my first A... i also want to thank God for the chance to go Sanya for my internship... it's a experience that money and authority can't buy...
because of my internship at Sanya, i met someone special... and i thank God for him...
even though this year is full of rocky roads and steep climbs, all i can say is that God is a very faithful God...
my grandma is much better now, thank God... she got discharged today and now i will be in-charge of taking care of her and the household... as irritating as it is, i always find myself repeating the same thing over and over again...
many times i find myself in a position of just giving and giving... whether at home, in school, or in ministries... because of my responsibilities i have to give up on something precious... because of my responsibilities i find myself different from the rest... i'm just a child forced to grow up...
i can't blame my parents or my family or even God because i know that somehow that would mold me into someone powerful and useful in the future...
Isaac said something that is so true... i feel so tired trying to fit into Singapore again... because I've experience what i really love in Sanya therefore coming back to Singapore is really tough... I'm so tired to the extend that i don't bother what people say about me anymore... you know what i mean? things like my relationship and many others...
i just wanna come back to love God and serve Him... i don't know if i can sing and dance anymore but i sure know that my heart is to follow and serve Him...
can't wait to know the truth...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
圣诞节已经过了，而我现在在倒数着2009年的来临。。。不知道2009年会是怎么样。。。
我用紧张和好奇的心情等待着。。。当我回头想起2008年经过的事时，我只能感激
神。。。感谢他一直在我的身边帮助我。。。即使是我离开他的管辖，他还是那样
的爱我和保护我。。。
2008年是我在学校的最后一年。。。这3年过得好快。。。因为有神的帮助我能顺利
通过考试，还考到一个A。。。我也要感谢神，能让我去三亚实习。。。这个经验是
有钱也买不到的。。。
因为我能在三亚实习，我才能认识一个很特别的人。。。我非常感谢耶酥因为他让
我认识了我的老公。。。
虽然2008年有起有落，路也有点难，可是耶稣真的是一个信实的上帝。。。
赞美神，因为我的外婆的病好多了。。。她今天下午出院了。。。我现在就是负责
照顾外婆和家务事。。。很多时候，我发现我自己一直在为别人做事。。。一直在
给，一直在给。。。因为我的责任重大，所以我从小就和其他的小孩不一样。。。
从小，我就被强迫快点长大，快点懂事。。。
我不会埋怨我的父母，家人或神。。。因为我知道这一切都是为我好。。。
因为想试试适应在新加坡的生活，我感到很累。。。因为我太爱三亚了，所以回到
新加坡真的很痛苦。。。
不管将来是怎么样，我会乐观的面对。。。
好期待真相大白的那一天！
XOXO
Monday, December 29, 2008
...precious memories...
was on the phone till 4am in the morning... woke up and went to visit my grandma in the hospital with my little brother, Malcolm... it was tiring trying to fit back into life... had lunch and went home to complete the housework... ironing and all...
i accidentally burn my leg with the iron... don't ask me how i did it but yeah... i got burn... it definately hurt but not as bad as how painful it is to be back...
dear told me a lot of stuff over the phone last night... a lot about his past... not that i'm jealous, but i'm very curious... i know i shouldn't ask, and i will not... well, the past is past but it haunts...
slowly the fear creeps in...
和老公聊天聊到4点钟。。。哈哈。。。然后起床，和我的弟弟一起去医院看外婆。。。
外婆好很多了，应该快出院了。。。想要适应新加坡的生活真的不容易。。。我们
吃了饭之后就回家了。。。因为我还有家务要做。。。
当我烫衣服的时候，我不小心烫到了自己。。。别问我怎么烫到的因为我不懂。。。
虽然很痛但是也没有比回到新加坡痛。。。
昨晚老公跟我说了很多他以前的事。。。我不是吃醋，我只是非常好奇。。。我知
道我不应该多问，所以我决定不问。。。虽然过去已经是过去，但是它仍然的活在
脑里。。。
慢慢的，我开始担心了。。。
我知道老公对我很好，也对我很认真。。。可是我。。。我好怕有一天我会像他以
前的女友一样。。。我知道我应该相信老公。。。可是。。。
我好怕我和宝宝的下场会和她的一样。。。
XOXO
Sunday, December 28, 2008
oh gloomy day, happy heartsspent the whole afternoon chatting with my dear online... i'm sorry for making him feel bad about not talking to me... but i really felt very miserable whenever he put down the phone... i know that he is trying his very best over in Sanya...
for me, he is willing to give up his precious, his habits... for me, he is willing to change... and i'm proud of him... as for me, i promised him to stay strong...
今天和老公聊了一整个下午。。。好开心哦。。。昨天让老公伤心，我真的感到很惭愧。。。可是每当他放下电话时，我的心就会很痛很痛。。。非常舍不得。。。我知道他在三亚也是很努力。。。
为了我，他愿意放弃一切。。。为了我，他改掉了坏习惯。。。为了我，他做了很多。。。因为他的改变，我感到很高兴，很骄傲。。。所以我答应他，要好好过每一天。。。要坚强, 不可以哭！
XOXO
I love Baby Ethan!spend more than 2 hours talking to my dear every night... but it always feel that time with him is too short... okay, it should be normal but... i really miss him... i miss the whole 24/7 with him...
life in Singapore just don't feel right now... even though there are friends around me... Every time when people ask me about China, i will think of him... and it gets painful... i can't cry in front of them right?
i wish i could spend more time with him... besides talking to him on the phone, i wish to be beside him... i wanna go back to Sanya... i really do...
天天和老公聊天，虽然聊了2个小时但是我总是觉得时间好短哦！我真的很想很想我
的老公。。。虽然我是回到了自己的国家但是总是觉得很不自在。。。虽然有家人，
有朋友但是没有了老公我觉得很痛苦。。。
人人总是问我在中国的事，每当我说起三亚，我就会想到他。。。好难受哦！我又
不能在朋友面前哭啊。。。
我好希望可以跟他多聊聊。。。但是他每次都会很累。。。我知道下班后一定很累，
但是老婆我也累啊。。。每天等到凌晨1点才能打电话给老公。。。难道我就不是人
吗?难道我就不觉得累吗?
如果天天都是这样，有可能我们之间会淡化。。。我也有可能伤心过度而死，然后
真的是一失两命。。。
XOXO
Friday, December 26, 2008
can you see the tears behind those smiles?
你看得到笑容后面的眼泪吗?
XOXO
i miss Sanya like crazy... someone help me...
being back in Singapore feels really strange now... people change, surrounding change... and i can no longer fit in anymore... i want to go "home", back to my hostel where i can see my husband 24/7...
no one knows how i truly feel about coming home... they call, they rush, i'm back... but no one knows what went through my mind every minute, what happened during that lonely plane ride...
calling may help... email sometimes works... but nothing beats being there... we were suppose to celebrate our 80days together and do a New Year Countdown... we were suppose to go Haikou for a short getaway...
all is gone now... all...
every night i cry myself to sleep... every minute i can't help but take a look at my iphone wallpaper of me and him... every hour i wondered what he will be doing... everytime when i'm walking alone, i will always imagine he is with me...
我真的好痛苦哦。。。救救我！
我现在已经不知道今天是什么。。。
我不想吃，不想喝，不想睡。。。
我快要疯掉了,
看不见你的笑我怎么睡得着。。。
XOXO
Hello everyone, i'm back in Singapore... well, actually i was back on the 23rd but i didn't have time to blog at all cause of all the busy-ness and stuff...
well, coming back to singapore is a really strange feeling... even though my family and friends are here... i really miss him... (ever heard of someone who cried till she nose bleed?)
life is singapore is so so different from sanya... if possible, i really wanna go back there... it's so fun, so relaxed... singapore is just a country whose citizens are on "auto-pilot"...
well, i've already checked out the airtickets back to Hainan... round trip only less than SGD$300... so, i will just have to work till June and save up and i will be able to see him...
老公， 我好想你哦！ 真的希望你能在我身边。。。每时每刻，永远的牵着你的手。。。
小熊爱小强
XOXO