my pink and purple dream

2009-10-28T06:35:00.002+08:00

it's been more than a month since my last blog post...
i've always wanted to say something but i don't know what...

life as a whole had come to a cross-road again...
now it's time to decide to turn left, right or go forward...

well, frankly i don't know what to do...

i spent majority of my 4 off days thinking about what my heart really wants...
why does it hurt when you didn't bother? why do i wanna protect you? why am i so crazy about you? why are you so nice to me?

i don't want to take a wrong step because i've failed enough to be scared of getting hurt all over again...

2009-09-17T01:27:00.002+08:00

it's almost 5am here at Citadines Front Desk...

and i'm,
1) tired
2) hungry
3) thirsty

3 more hours to go.... *faint*

when i go home, i'm soooooo gonna KO on my comfy bed till Coral wakes me up for Ikea Meatball lunch :)

feelingawkward.weird.don'tknowwhattodoreally.

2009-09-16T00:37:00.003+08:00

It's been so long and loads of stuff happened so quickly around me...

i'm now in the Mandarin YA cell, under Pastor Adam... it's really nice to be in cell with the rest and getting to know others... cell bonding was TIGHT y'all... it's just very very different from YA...

anyways, soon i'm gonna be back into worship ministry in the Mandarin YA... gonna slowly but surely climb back... it's always good to start FRESH...

i still love YA, don't get me wrong... but i guess since the time i left for Sanya (which was exactly 1 year ago), YA have never been the same again... somehow got left behind and stuff...

my dream is still the same... but i still don't have the faith to believe that it will come to pass... like how people laugh at Noah when he said there will be flood... or like how Joseph's brothers laugh at his dream...

i seriously miss my hommies... Isaac, Coral, Jossie, Chuanie, Meredith, Michelle Guna, Aiken, Bel and the rest of the gang... i really do... i don't want you guys to misunderstand me for putting my new cell before you guys alright?

Short Summary of last week :)
Saturday: work, KJ's baby boy's birthday, hangout @ Pool place with cell
Sunday: service, lunch, work, supper @ Holland V with E
Monday: work, mini-birthday celebration for E's uncle, yoghurt @ playground
Tuesday: drama-dosage, dinner with E, work NOW>>>>>

Looking forward :)
Wednesday (midnight)
Thursday (off day): Cell
Friday (off day)
Saturday (morning)
Sunday (morning): work, dance @ studio, Isaac's party
Monday (PH): Worship practice
Tuesday (afternoon)
Wednesday (afternoon)
Thursday (midnight): cell
Friday (midnight)
Saturday (off day)
Sunday (off day): service
Monday (morning): Worship practice
Tuesday (afternoon)
Wednesday (afternoon)

really wanna go back to school :(

2009-09-08T01:22:00.002+08:00

the flaws of a traditional chinese family,
love is not tangible...

above all,

i know that i love my family more than anything...

2009-09-06T18:53:00.002+08:00

have you ever felt so tired of trying so hard?
have you ever wonder why you even try?

i knew...

I spend a whole night in tears... crying to God because no man could understand... till the point where i choke on my tears and my eyes were so swollen, i didn't stop knocking on Heaven's door...

As a lone ranger, i went for Mandarin Service this morning... was there at 9am and not a single face that i could recognize... i sat there alone, at the last row of the middle block and wondered... why on earth did i even sacrifice my precious sleeping time to come for a place so foreign?

at that point i felt like a fool... but God told me that i was a fool for Him...

i encountered God in a special way... for the first time in 4 years, God gave me a special COURAGE and STRENGTH that comes from LOVE accompanied by supernatural FAITH...

The message that Pastor Johnathan preached was more timely than ever... Well, God's time is perfect time AMEN? The call was to be a follower of Christ that is true, faithful, focus and one who is willing to count the cost... i bet this is not a new sort of sermon topic but it hit the SPOT...

At altar call, God spoke through a leader...

"Give your fears and worries to God, like faith arise in you. Be like Joshua and rise up. Be strong and courageous; because of your heart that is pure before the Lord, He will use you to hold the hands of those in need, He will use you to touch many others... so be strong and courageous... Rise up in your generation and pick up the baton that is passed to you from the previous generation... BE STRONG and COURAGEOUS..."

How many of us know that when God repeats it 3 times, He really mean it?

After the death of Moses, Joshua was called to rise up to the ocassion and to lead the people into the promise land... God promised him that He will never leave him and that His provision and protection will be with Joshua always...

However, the promise is a conditional one... If only Joshua obey the Laws and trust in God then the promise will come to pass... Because of fear, the Israelites fails many times... So this time round, God reminded Joshua three times to BE STRONG and COURAGEOUS...

Lord, i will trust in You because You are the alpha and the omega... The author and finisher of my faith...

2009-09-05T00:05:00.003+08:00

The Covenant

When the world is excited to meet their life partner, i took a stop...

Even though i constantly battle with whether i will have someone to depend on, i learn to trust...

To use the time wisely and focus on God...

It's only human that i crave for love and concern... but i will have to fight through the emotional pains and believe that one day i will meet the one who will guide me and teach me how to love God more...

believing by FAITH

2009-09-03T22:01:00.003+08:00

2 days 2 nights at Batam with Bel, Hosea and Shaun was awesome... it's been so so long since i really enjoyed myself and relax for a bit... doing random and spontenous stuff is totally fun :)

cell was awesome on Wednesday :)

meet up with shenna today :) yummy dinner and quality time together :)

it's almost friday already... it means back to work, back to the battle ground...

the whole time at batam, i thought through a lot... is it worth it to sacrifice my ministries, my cell time and my God-time for work... i miss being at music prac, miss sunday dance slots, miss my L.A Unit boys...

miss the days when the spirit-filled maddy minister to the young ones, at missions and just so so so in love with Jesus... the maddy was balance school, home and ministry...

but Lord, i trust in You... in Your time, i will be back to serve... but for now, i will listen and obey Your call to be a witness for You at my workplace, my mission field...

GOALS:

- complete 2 years of experience in the industry (end: 2010)

- get my 1 year degree majoring in Hospitality Tourism and Marketing (start: 2011)

By 2012, i would have experience and my degree... by then, i would be strong enough to strive at my career... bringing church to the marketplace, bringing people closer to Jesus...

for 1 whole month, after sorting out relationship issues, i really have to thank God... by His mercy and grace, i'm still alive today... searching for my first love once more...

Lord, i thank You for saving me... for loving me, for protecting me, for guiding me... Father, i pray that You teach me how to love You more each day... remind me to put You first place in my heart, in my life...

it's not the makeup, not the clothes,

but the godly character that should shine...

love+joy+peace+patience+kindness+goodness+faithfulness+gentleness+self-control

2009-09-02T22:27:00.002+08:00

The proverbs 31 woman...

v10 rare and precious

v11 trustworthy

v12 kind

v13 works joyfully

v14 goes the extra mile to get the best

v15 disciplined

v16 enterprising

v17 strong

v18 good steward

v19 dilligent

v20 compassionate and generous

v21 provident

v22 elegent

v23 influential

v24 industrious

v25 poised

v26 wise

v27 manages her home

v28 praiseworthy

v29 distinguish

v30 God-fearing

v31 honored

i will be that Ruth who waits upon You,

i will be that Esther who will answer Your call,

i will be that Deborah who help to deliver Your people from bondage...

2009-08-13T05:58:00.000+08:00

you will never know the weight of the mountain until it's all on your shoulders...
you will not realize how deep the cut until it's revealed to you...

i cried...
because i was helpless...
because i wish i could do something to make sure everything is okay...

i just wish that my parents would know how i feel about everything...
it's time for my brothers to grow up and learn to carry the family on their shoulders too...

i'm tired because i have to be the chosen one...
not that i don't love my family... i do in fact love them a lot...
that's why i feel that it's time for my brothers to learn and look beyond their little selves...

i don't understand a lot, and i don't know a lot...
and i question myself...

sometimes i wonder the meaning behind my name, the tower of strength, is it a blessing or a curse?

2009-08-06T01:59:00.002+08:00

i need to do what's right,

but my heart does otherwise.

reality and fantasy is at constant conflict in me,

will you understand?

there are things that need to be said,

there are things that need to be made right...

To person 1) I have no intention of stealing your precious, so rest assure that he will stay by your side. i will promise not to touch him because i'm simply not interested.

To person 2) You don't know me but i just wanna tell you that i won't lose to you. Given my competitive nature, i will not allow myself to simply lose to you. Standard is too low.

To person 3) You can do what you want but you better leave the people i love alone. if i find out that you are out to hurt them, i will make sure you get it all back in double.

i've always worked hard... since young, cinderella was my role model... she was not rich, not pretty, doesn't have much "talents" but she still shone in the end... i believed since young that you don't have to have a good family background, don't have to be pretty or slim to be noticed by the prince...

one day, he will realize that you are so capable so what others are unable to do or cope with; simply anything and everything... he will realize that you still look pretty in rags and dust... because of your kind and loving nature, he would think that skills could be cultivated...

so i worked hard...

i would dare to say, i really try very hard...

my life mission was to please others... i'm serious...

anything to make someone happy,

everything to make someone smile...

to let them know that i care,

to let them know that i will be there....

i'm reminding myself again, that i will not shortchange myself... i will not settle for the second when i know that i can achieve the best...

2009-08-05T01:42:00.002+08:00

7 sentences that people say...

What does it mean to you?
It is just words?

Person 1) If we are both still single when you are 25, we will be together okay?

Person 2) Remember the codes and let's hold on to the ''7'' promise alright?

Me to Person 3) I will be there for you when you need me; to run errands or to run the ministry when you're away...

Person 4) You are my untold secret... someone who can never be made known to the people in my world...

Person 5) You know me too well... like as if you see through me...

Person 6) We will plan to make a plan... but in the end, none of it happen...

Person 7) You will tell me bedtime stories and make time for me despite your busy schedule... you make me feel that i can trust you because you know so much... sometimes you make me wanna hold on to you for life...

Person No. 7, do you know that the no.7 in the bible means perfection... Out of the 7 people in my 7 quotes, do you know that you are the one closest to perfection? Perhaps you will never know who you are to me... but i just wanna say that you're a real special character in my life...

2009-08-01T23:22:00.003+08:00

Just wanted to write some stuff before I head to bed.,.

For the past few days, I just want to thank God for His faithfulness... Always there to catch me when I fall, there to love me even when I have so much sin... His grace and mercies are new everyday, His love never fails...

Whenever I lift my hands, He is there reaching out...
When I'm down, He pick me up...
When I'm dirty with sin, He cleanse me with His priceless blood and clothe me with His robe of love...

Because of Him, I can stand to say, I will not give up...
I will sing out loud, praises that was never heard before,
because He deserve it and it's His plan for us to live victorious and full of His joy...

I'll live out that life that God drew on the blueprint of my life...

2009-07-16T23:59:00.003+08:00

living in a world where dolls like Megan Fox exist,
where the rich gets richer,
where the poor are suffering in silence...

a world that says size 6 and below is NORMAL,
a place that speaks freedoms with chains of lies...

the superficial is louder than what's within,
because this is it...

there are days where you don't feel your best...
after several rejection by people,
how can you ever stand strong and say ''I'm loved, accepted and wanted...'' ?

i kept telling myself that it should not hurt anymore because i should be numb to the ''left-out'' feeling... but why time and time again the same old wounds bleed like crap...

at times like this, i just wanna be a doll... a pretty thing with no feelings... you can do what you like to her, play with her and then leave her alone... afterall, what are feelings and emotions to a doll...

but the fact is...
i'm only human ~

2009-06-29T23:26:00.002+08:00

all i need is one minute of your time,
just a second to hold you tight.
hoping that this would last forever,
knowing that it's now or never.

can't seem to find the way out,
of this maze and all about.
don't think forever is long enough,
as the clock tick so fast.

the stories, the tales are the same old.
too boring, too long just stop would you.

deep in the night,
what can seem so right,
without you by my side.

2009-06-29T18:18:00.002+08:00

Once there was a guest who told me this...
''Do you know what is the nicest thing in the evening? It is to come back and see you smiling!''

It's guests like this who make me feel happy and glad to be in the industry... even though you don't always get that, but it's a very precious thing for me personally...

because of my work, long and bizzare working hours, my face are beginning to show signs of lack of sleep and rest... well, even my body is starting the protest already... mummy was very concern and she was trying to brainwash me into doing a daily skincare routine...

at first i was like ''yeah yeah, whatever'', until she had to end it all with a punch line... mummy said ''your entire life is dependent on your face okay''... it smacked me in the face, heart and head...

suddenly, all my qualifications, my talents and skills becomes nothing...
of course, i know it's all a lie...

---change topic---
saturday at Young Adults, we heard a message called The Warrior... it's kinda like a whole manhood series kinda thing... one thing about Pastor Craig is he really make woman sound like bimbos... argh

not all females are like manicured, waxed and glossed up in heels okay?
i'm a warrior too...

even if i need to fight in a dress and heels, i will :)

2009-06-28T01:55:00.002+08:00

At Your feet, oh Lord,
I lay down my crowns.
Standing bare, stripped to skin,
without my own esteem.

What could I hope,
but Your mercy that is new each dawn.
Searching for Your love,
one that I've longed for.

Putting behind my scars and past,
I ask and seek to be made new.

For You are faithful,
and because Your faithfulness prevails,
I can sing Your praises,
dance in freedom and laugh with overflowing joy.

King of kings,
Prince of peace,
Your daughter have returned to her place,
of becoming a warrior for your cause...

2009-06-14T06:35:00.001+08:00

.
.
.
Madeline misses Ifty and can't wait to see him in a few hours time...
.
.
.

2009-06-12T01:57:00.002+08:00

"Monsters VS Aliens" Ascott Group Movie day!

Ethan's 1st Birthday !

HTM Graduation!

just wanted to post some photos that have been dated some time back... kinda got carried away from working and working daily... i kinda forgot how it feels to be singing and dancing... sometimes i even forget the way to church and the way home...

it's strange but yeah... sometimes it's just me to put in so much effort into things that i love... family, friends, work etc etc... but sometimes it just doesn't give you as much as you expected...

i don't wanna be disappointed anymore... trusting and believing in nothing...

i will still smile, i will still brave the storm...
but i don't want to do it alone...

some say that i'm too serious, while others say that i'm too playful...
but i would dare to say that i work hard at everything...
wanting to please others, wanting to leave a good impression...
just doing my best and not screw up...

i just need to run away...

2009-06-01T17:57:00.002+08:00

안녕하세요, 저는maddy입니다!
나는고독해요해요!

Translation: Hello, my name is maddy. I'm feeling lonely.

hahahhaa... well, it's my off day and i've spend hours in front of my laptop watching Boys Before Flowers and receiving songs from QiaoFei... what a day... when i was all ready to rot and die on my bed with my laptop running, Coral dearie called...

thank God! haha...

after watching so much korean drama, maddy is gonna try and pick up korean... omg..... hahaha... it's so much tougher than japanese, you know... sigh... but for Oppa! it's all worth it... hahaha... just kidding!

i've been very interested in languages so i just wanna learn more and know more... anyways, i'll be on training for 2 days... my plan after my training is to go hunt for my SS501 cds/dvds... and to buy some self-help korean books... haha...

have i mentioned that SUMMER is here? it's already june and singapore is heating up like a pancake... speaking about pancake, i wanna learn how to make Hot Cakes! hahaha... rather random but those who watch BBF will understand why...

anyways, gotta go get ready for dinner with the girls! bye bye

^ ^

2009-05-27T20:30:00.002+08:00

it have always been a dream...
that someday the ONE will appear...
perhaps a prince...
or a sweet guy...

someone who will take my heart by storm...
a person who will appear with roses, chocolates and more...

he will be the one who loves to read, just like me...
we will make plans to visit museums and old castles;
watch musicals and concerts...
he will write songs while i sing along...

we will count stars at Victoria Peak,
run and roll on the fields of Christchurch,
climb the Great Wall and drink some hot coffee in Arab...

perhaps we could be fish mongers for a day at Hokkaido,
farmers in Vietnam or even natives in Bali...

we will ride on horses in the polo club,
and watch you play archery and golf in spring Korea...
we can go shopping in Bangkok and travel in Tuktuk all day long...

declaring our love for each other at the top of the Eiffel Tower...
counting the number of apostles that are left standing...
or even cheer for our favourite soccer team at an empty stadium...

i will not be disappointed if none of these things happen,
because it's good enough that i still have this dream after going through reality...

2009-05-20T08:39:00.002+08:00

PRINCESS MADDY FINALLY GOT HER DIPLOMA!!!

Hello everybody!
with great pleasure and joy, i would like to shout to the world that i finally got my diploma after 3 long years of planning, projects, presentation and pain... haha

thank God for friends...
Year One: Qiao Fei, Fiona, Syrila, Sheena, Ah Boon, Kenneth
Year Two: Ming Feng, Ben, Eddie
Year Three: Mei Zhu, Adler, Eleanor, Genevieve
OSIP: Serena, Cai Ling, Jasmine, Carol, Unice, Sherlynn

And for the two special ones who stayed with me for the whole time: Monica and Grace...

Dearies, you guys got no idea how much power and encouragement you gave to me... the strength for me to wake up and go to school, the motivation to put in my 100% and more in projects with you guys... deciding on where to go for lunch is always fun... i miss you guys a lot :(

it's been almost 2 months since i started working... it's a love-hate relationship, you love the job, love the place, love the people but it's tiring... it's been good so far, and i'm planning to continue to strive on in my career...

I will focus on gaining more exposure, learning more from experience and then explore the world... because there are Ascott Properties all over the world, i decided to aim to be transferred out to a new country... perhaps Japan, since they are opening a new property in Kyoto and they need staffs... hahaha

it's exciting just thinking about the future, no that i do not have fear but the fact that i have faith in the God i know and the God whom i serve and live for... the one who see me through everything, in my happiest and most depressed times, He is there...

I promise to continue to sharpen my skills and to constantly upgrade myself to be the best that i can ever be... to be moulded into the "woman of substance" (quoted from Sarah Lin in April 2005)

to be someone of significance, with the love and joy of the Lord, a friend to all, a help and pillar for those in need; last but not the least, is to be a woman of value who can assist my future husband in fufilling the great plans that God have for him...

*Arise, Shine!

2009-05-17T23:58:00.004+08:00

IT'S A SQUARE!

Hello world, it's 4.20am and you're reading Maddy's not-so-daily-bloggo!

Well, i've been enjoying myself with a new lifestyle that kinda drain my energy but it's cool... going to work, knock off and head to play basketball/pool/bowling/arcade...

haha... i've never been to an arcade so many times in my life; execpt during my childhood where i use to rule WyWy Wonderspace @ Marina Square... The feeling you get when you hold the bowling ball after years and years of seperation, the sense of focus when you play pool... the laughs you get when you watch people play para para at arcades...

because of work, i don't really have time for my hommies... much apologies to Coral, Isaac, Bellio and especially May dearie... i missed her birthday because of work... so so sorry, you guys...

thank God for sending people into my path... i was so happy when DJ and Gina came to look for me at my workplace... oh oh, and when i saw Gabsy at Parklane after work... random people at random times keeps me going...

thank God for helping me with everything... for 3 years, in poly He is ever so faithful... seeing me through all the rough patches and now i'm finally graduating (19/05/09)... thank God for a heart that is willing to serve with a smile... for giving me the chance to be His light...

because i trust You

2009-05-16T17:45:00.001+08:00

男女之间可以很单纯，
也可以很复杂的。。。

今天和杨杨聊了一下，感觉很开心。。。
喜欢天天和心爱的朋友聊天玩耍，
开开心心的笑。。。

2009-05-14T22:32:00.002+08:00

cause when you are hot and you are cold,
you will get flu,
then you will be sick...

just so so sick of you and what you're doing...
insensitivity

just so so sick of feeling abandoned, betrayed and ignored...
left-out

just so so sick of the weather...
flu invasion

but i just know that in the chaos and in the quiet place, God is there...
and will always be

2009-05-10T00:25:00.002+08:00

when i first saw a guy on the mrt while on my way to work, i wondered... he was holding a huge transparent plastic bag with a bouquet of flowers wrapped with pink and purple paper in it... at first i thought to myself, "wow, what a sweet guy, buying flowers for his girlfriend"...

then he started fiddling with the plastic bag... (it's not easy for a big guy to hold flowers) then i saw that the flowers were actually not roses but carnations... then i got the biggest revelation... Carnations are for MOTHERS... and it's MOTHER'S DAY the next day...

at that point in time, everything stood still in my mind... love doesn't only exist between a guy and a girl... it exist among family members, among friends, among strangers...

for the past week, a lot of things have been going through my mind... a lot of time i find myself confused and alone... but i know that's not true at all...

this season of my life is not a easy and smooth one... there is a lot of pitfalls for me... especially in my weakest point: the heart... trusting someone so easily, opening up for attacks and end up shattered to bits...

I'm not a toy doll in that candy pink box... i'm not one that can be easily purchased at some shopping mall... not someone whom you can love, use and throw away...

feel just like a plaster...
used, dirty and thrown away

2009-05-09T01:18:00.002+08:00

Hello everybody, this is maddy updating her blog at work... time check now is 3am... yes, miss maddy is on midnight shift... god, this is so freakin' boring... oh well, this is my first time standing on shift alone, without any colleague and without my dearest shifu...

my morale currently is very tired, very sleepy... i'm trying all means and ways to stay awake... music, facebook, msn, blog, my books, etc etc etc... haha... it's really tough to stay awake when there is nothing much for you to do...

for now, there is still 1 more guest who have yet to check-in... hope that he will appear soon, so that i can quickly check him in and then start doing all the reports etc etc... anyways, yes... hahahah... i'm like talking and talking about my job and stuff... hahaha

today, i met my colleagues for a super fun outing... Eddy the housekeeping supervisor, Jimmy and Ah Bu "Yvonne" my colleagues at Front Office actually went to play basketball... i was awake at 8am and met the gang for basketball at Newton at 9:30am... ahahha... WOW, huh...

so yes, we met, we played and i scored some points... coolness... hahaha... after the game, we head down for lunch near our workplace and then Ah Bu had to go to work cause she is on Afternoon shift... then the rest of us took a shower and head down to PS cause we wanted to catch a movie... well, nothing nice is on... so we head to the arcade... after spending a LOOOONG time at the arcade, the 2 Ahjussi decided to go for ice-cream so we went swensens... haha

after swensens, we went to another arcade where we meet a lot of Otaku(s)... haha... seriously, watching them play the DDR, Para Para and the drum/guitar machines is really....... something..... hahaha... we played pool... i bought some books and then we had dinner at Cafe Cartel...

anyways, if i go into details, you will either die of boredom or you will really want me dead... haha... oh well :D

ok, i think i better stop here... i'm gonna go read my book already :)

2009-05-02T01:12:00.002+08:00

because of a decision so important,
lives could escape the burning flame.
because of a sacrifice so costly,
health could be restored.

because of the Heavenly Father's love,
all who have done wrong can find forgiveness.

in my Lord, i find forgiveness and healing...
there is hope for the future, peace that surpasses all understanding and unfailing love...

2009-04-29T21:10:00.002+08:00

Psalm 51
A Contrite Sinner's Prayer for Pardon.
For the choir director.

A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet came to him, after he had gone in to Bathsheba.

1Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness;
According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions.
2Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity
And cleanse me from my sin.
3For I know my transgressions,
And my sin is ever before me.
4Against You, You only, I have sinned
And done what is evil in Your sight,
So that You are justified when You speak
And blameless when You judge.
5Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
And in sin my mother conceived me.
6Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being,
And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.
7Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8Make me to hear joy and gladness,
Let the bones which You have broken rejoice.
9Hide Your face from my sins
And blot out all my iniquities.
10Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11Do not cast me away from Your presence
And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
12Restore to me the joy of Your salvation
And sustain me with a willing spirit.
13Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,
And sinners will be converted to You.
14Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, the God of my salvation;
Then my tongue will joyfully sing of Your righteousness.
15O Lord, open my lips,
That my mouth may declare Your praise.
16For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it;
You are not pleased with burnt offering.
17The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.
18By Your favor do good to Zion;
Build the walls of Jerusalem.
19Then You will delight in righteous sacrifices,
In burnt offering and whole burnt offering;
Then young bulls will be offered on Your altar.

2009-04-28T20:51:00.002+08:00

when you hold me in your arms and spin me around, i see a rainbow

hello world, once again it's my off day... work is slowly increasing its speed in my life... i pray that it will not take full reign over me... don't really wanna be a workaholic...

My supervisor, Xiao Ping is now my "jie jie" or also known as older sister... she really takes care of me... and i thank God for helping me gain favour in "jie jie" eyes...

my "shifu" or also known as mentor, Michaele is very nice to me... sometimes she can be very fierce and straight forward but she is awesome... a cute friend and crazy partner in crime... haha

my other colleagues are very friendly... helping me and guiding me along... it's not easy working at Front Office... You not only have to handle guest complain and stuff, you also need to work with the stupid computer system with a whole lot of reports etc etc... and they have been very patient...

it's fun working with colleagues from different department too... Like the supervisor of housekeeping, Eddy... The guys from Engineering... from Security...

:)

when you looked at me
when you held my hand

when you told me it's alright

when you hold me in your arms
when you pick me up and spin me around

2009-04-22T22:49:00.002+08:00

When was the last time you truly laughed?

all it takes was 2 hours with a totally retarded person, half a chicken, 2 plates of rice,1 small plate of vegetables, 2 cups of barley then 2 cups of soya bean...

i thank God for that special someone who brought so much joy and laughter into my life... you might not know but you really brighten up my spirit... (as you can see from my previous post)

thank you so much for cranking all those stupid jokes and always ready to accommodate my randomness and retarded laughter... did i tell you that i love long walks? even though it was like "long long" but it's good enough...

i can't wait for the next dinner date! hee...

2009-04-21T19:17:00.002+08:00

Sometimes i wonder who am i...

then i realised that i'm defined by my friends...

Slowly i feel seperated from them...

my hommies, my dears and all...

i try to be part of everything...

try to make up for my absence...

but all that only increase the loneliness in me...

i'm not at my best now...

now is not a time where you throw all the things you know about God at me...

i can't take tough love now...

i can't take that at all...

show me love before you throw your beliefs, views and criticism at me...

2009-04-20T18:01:00.002+08:00

I can hear the wedding bells ringing...

18/11/09 - Emil and Sarah's Wedding

pretty sarah...
me and my twin, Fang Xian

Gorgeous Cell picture...

11/04/09 - Adrian and Valerie's Wedding

Yilin, Annabel and me

Damian and me

2 weeks...

2 weddings...

2 pairs of happy couples...

i feel so happy for them... to be able to find someone you love, and someone who loves you... and above all, someone who love God... i slowly realised the strong importance of a godly relationship... where God becomes the centre pillar of both...

more and above the riches, looks and talents... it's the godly factor that attracts...

i've been working at Citadines for 20 days already... after 3 weeks of work, i have to thank God for every single step in my career... for good colleagues, nice superiors, and of course many learning pitstops...

there were smiles and tears but all for the better... to mould me into someone whom God will be pleased to smile upon...

p.s: looking forward to our chicken rice dinner date :)

2009-04-13T19:57:00.002+08:00

Hello everyone, i'm back to blog a little... haha... it's finally my off day again and so i decide to kinda slack and catch up with my dearies, Momo and Zhu Zhu... it was just lunch, chats and laughs... which was nice after a long while...

feels nice to be close to them... afterall, we were once roomies... so we are tight y'all! haha

growing up seems to take full control over me... now that i'm done with school and is in the working society... haha... but it's not all gloomy... i get to meet people, see more of the world and perhaps have greater impact in society someday...

well, just a lil' reply to II/LL... is my blog that emo??? i thought i was longer over the relationship issue... LOL... anyways, thanks for the concern whomever it may be :)

tomorrow, i will be back at work and then it will be busy week until Sarah Seow's wedding on saturday... i can't wait for the swedish party!!! btw, the Lide family are a cool bunch...

work isn't so bad... just getting used to all the procedures and getting to know the people better... nice people, nice environment help when guests are not so nice :)

cheers to a great week ahead!

hope for the anguish,
light for those in darkness,
love for the hurting...

2009-04-06T18:17:00.002+08:00

Bird Brain & Pork
P.S: The title might sound like disgusting but note that I'm not referring to food... or the actual thing itself...

Anyways, today was my first A Shift which is the 0700-1600... waking up at 0445 is TOTALLY OMG! but thank God i got through the day without much problems...

tomorrow will be 0700-1600 again... after work will be cell at Grace's house...
*faint*

Wednesday + Thursday = 1400-2300
No night cycling for me :(

Friday + Saturday = 2230-0730
Thank God, at least i can make it for Good Friday Service and Adrian's wedding...

Sunday + Monday = OFF DAY!!!
Finally rest day AGAIN! Hope that i can meet up with Momo and Zhu on monday...

My Future Expenditures!!!
My Tropical Holiday - End July 2009

I'm gonna save up and then go for a one-week getaway to the lovely tropical island in Southern China... where there is only the sun, sand, sea, shopping and me! muahaha... i just love to think about the time i will spend on the beach, tanning, swimming, reading and drawing!

My Pink Earphones - April 2009

I will buy those when i get my first pay!!! my retarded earphones are dying and i need to replace them quickly... and guess i have found those perfect looking pink ones on the shelves...

My Pink Digital Camera - June 2009

It's amazing that i never have a camera but i desire for one... of course, colour code is pink so as to match my phone and my "so-to-be" pink earphone... anyways, i will get them in June so that i can bring them to my holiday in July... think that there will be a IT Fair in June so i hope to get cheap deals...

btw, which brand should i get??? my budget is not more than $300... Sony/Panasonic/Casio/Samsung/others???

2009-04-01T21:28:00.002+08:00

0645hrs - Ringing alarm and Sleepy head
i only manage to get about 4 hours of sleep due to my obsession with watching drama online...well, i felt quite energetic; unlike someone who is deprived of sleep... i pick myself up and headed for my wardrobe, then into the toilet...

0750hrs - Liner, Blush and Glossy Lips
With my neat bun and make up on, i thought i was ready... i left house and walked towards the bus stop and waited for bus 14 which will bring me to town... the whole ride was 1 hour due to the heavy road and human traffic...

0900hrs - Hi, my name is......
I arrived at my workplace and was told to change into the t-shirt because my tailor-made uniform is not ready... after changing, i was then instructed to go into the office to read the Policy and Procedure... that whole stack of paper is 2.5 inches thick... after spending 1 hour reading that bible-like thing, we had a mini birthday celebration for my colleague Yvonne... it was only after the celebration that my supervisor Xiao Ping introduce me to the rest of the staffs...

1300hrs - System crash!
I didn't know that the company have so many staffs from TP... The Sales and Marketing manager, Remy is my senior senior senior... it's quite funny... then sometime not so funny happened... The company system is down since 11am... because of that, it cause quite a bit of confusion and stuff... after waiting and waiting, my supervisor decided to let me go for my lunch break first...

1400hrs - Hello there, Klutz!
after coming back from lunch, i met another colleague, Jimmy... Jimmy is a very nice guy but a major klutz... He can knock into anything and everything... That poor fella... But we can hit off quite well cause he is klutz and i'm random... haha

1800hrs - Tick Tock Ringggggg!!!
the system was still down and poor Jimmy is stressing out... then i was called to Housekeeping to help out a little... i finally got my locker etc etc and soon it was time to knock off...

first day at work wasn't so bad... i'm looking forward to tomorrow and friday before i have 2 days off... thank God for nice colleagues...

2009-03-30T22:30:00.002+08:00

pictures from some time ago...

i love riding!!! thank God it only started raining after we found a lot... but we still got wet... oh well :D

Health check at Raffles Hospital...

Meet up with Isaac at Boon Lay and chillout at Tampines (:

Me and MoMo dearie...

Working at Agnes B Fashion Show!

hanging out with friends & spending time with God really help with mending a broken heart... i'm still hurting inside but i will be fine...

now, i'm scared of any relationships... to me, trust is now so vulnerable... once you become close to someone, you will subconsciously place expectations on that person and things will get a little bizzare...

i just want some time on my own...
shopping alone, walking on the streets alone...

想起和你逛街，吃冰淇淋的时候。。。

2009-03-26T01:37:00.003+08:00

我写了一首歌：回忆的痛

一个人在黑暗的房间里面，
希望自己能快乐一点。
想把回忆一个个锁上，
装进厢子送到远处。

知道伤心不能改变什么，
所以常常逼自己开心一些。
可是我的情绪我无法控制，
没有你的事实很真实。

爱你，想你，渴望拥有你，
不是一件看似简单的事。
恨你，气你，不想放弃你，
只会更伤自己。

I wrote a song: The pain of memories

Sitting there alone in the room so dark,
wishing that i would be happier but i can't.
hoping to lock these memories,
fit them into boxes and send them off.

i know that feeling hurt won't change a thing,
so i force myself to be the happy.
i can't control these feelings within me,
because the truth about your absence is too real.

love you, thinking about you, wish that i could still hold you;
is never that easy, never that simple.
hate you, blame you but can't let you go,
will only hurt me more.

2009-03-25T17:01:00.002+08:00

.Confused.Blurred.Hurt.

.烦.乱.痛.

Letter to him:
It was really painful to hear the truth. It was something that i didn't really imagine. I trusted you so much and love you with my everything. I never thought that you would go something like that to me. I won't blame you. I pray that you will change for the better. Make decisions that you won't regret because always remember that when you hurt others, you hurt yourself too.

I still love you even after all that you did.

Letter to her:
I was really disappointed and shock. You were my closest friend in Atrium Cafe. To me, you are like my little sister. Loving your brother-in-law behind my back was a really nasty thing to do. I don't know why you did that and i won't blame you because it's not all your fault. He said that you are really noble because you choose to walk away. To me, that's not at all noble; to step in and exit as you wish.

My last word to you is, don't treat boys as part-time lovers. I know your history but i will not judge. Jesus love you, so do i...

给他的信：
听到真相真的很痛苦。我从没想像你会这样做。窝是那么爱你，那么相信你。我不相信你会这样对我。我不会怪你。我祈祷你会改过自新。不要老是做一些你会后悔的决定，因为当你伤害别人，你也会伤害自己。

我还是爱着你。

给她的信：
我是真的很惊讶也很失望。你是我在西餐厅就好的朋友。你就像我的妹妹。背着我爱上自己的姐夫真的很可恶。我不知道你为什么要那样做但是我不会怪你因为那不只是你的错。因为你决定离开，他说你很好，很伟大。但对我来说，你一点也不好，一点也不伟大；喜欢就来，玩完就走。

最后想说的是，不要把身边的男生当玩偶。我知道你过去的一切，但我不会审判。耶稣爱你，我也是。

Dear Lord, i trust You with my life my everything. And i pray for the two of them. Wherever they are at, Lord You bless them. Father i pray that You send your angels to love them, guide them and protect them. Father, in places where there need to be healing, Lord You heal.

In Jesus' name i pray,
Amen.

亲爱的主耶稣，我把一切交托给你。我为他们两祈祷。无论他们在哪里，我求主你保佑他们。我请求你派一些天使去爱他们，领导他们，保护他们。如果有伤痛的地方，我求主你能把伤痛给带走。

奉耶稣的圣名请求，
阿门。

2009-03-24T23:00:00.002+08:00

i'm blessed...

to have family, friends and so many others who cares for me... i really really thank God for them...

Isaac
Coral
Annabel
Meredith
Michelle Guna
Grace Ke
Monica
Mei Zhu
Unice
Aaron
Pastor Mark
Aunty Ayelan

and even my hommies from Sanya... haha... i love them lah... they are super duper cute... after i told them what happened, they was like so angry with (him) and wanted to like beat (him) up lah... haha

anyways another thing to thank God for... i got a job!!! finally!!!! haha... so there will be income and things to do...

想念

2009-03-20T16:34:00.002+08:00

我受够了等待
你所谓的安排
说的未来
到底多久才来

总是要来不及
才知道我可爱
我想依赖
而你却都不在

应该开心的地带
你给的全是空白
一个人假日发呆
找不到人陪我看海

我在幸福的门外
却一直都进不来
你累积给的伤害
我是真的很难释怀

终於看开爱回不来
而你总是太晚明白
最后才把话说开
哭著求我留下来

终於看开爱回不来
我们面前太多阻碍
你的手却放不开
宁愿没出息求我别离开

你总是要我乖
慢慢计划将来
我的眼泪却一直掉下来

过去怎黱交代
你该给的信赖
被你亲手缓缓推入悬崖

从我脸上的苍白
看到记忆慢下来
过去甜蜜在倒带
只是感觉已经不在
而我对你的期待
被你一次次摔坏
已经碎成太多块
要怎黱拼凑跟重来

You give and take away,
my heart will choose to say,
Lord blessed be Your name...

2009-03-18T16:04:00.002+08:00

need a hope, will you give it to me?

Everyday seems like it's all gloomy;
just the weather...
Teaching my youngest brother is a chore;
that increases my blood pressure...
Entertaining my grandma's nonsense,
is becoming challenging...
The silence from my confused parents...
The sound of boring television shows...

Received a letter from TP,
I'm finally graduating...
Thank God!

Things I need to do:
THURSDAY_work :)
FRIDAY_help Meredith with filming :D

Things I want to do:
- manicure at Far East
- eat Shilin XXL Crispy Chicken
- dance
- sing at Kbox etc
- go jogging
- relax at the beach

Things I want to buy:
- camera
- dresses
- tank tops
- jeans

2009-03-16T23:57:00.001+08:00

心痛
心碎
快死了

很想放手。。。

2009-03-15T00:52:00.000+08:00

sometimes
有时候

i don't know what the future brings........ really
but i will trust in God...
我不知道将来会是怎么样的。。。。。。。真的
但是我会选择相信神。。。

2009-03-14T01:31:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY PRECIOUS BABY BEAR!
我亲爱的小熊弟弟，生日快乐！
:)

2009-03-10T05:48:00.000+08:00

你知道吗，你是第一个喜欢听我唱歌的人！

2009-03-09T20:59:00.002+08:00

keep your eyes on me

I've learn a lot over the past weeks... while waiting for job opportunities, while facing my parents and family, while being with friends...

whether in times of uncertainty, when fears creep into my heart; God never fail to remind me to on look at him... i thank God for everything that He have done... even though there were times when i complain and whine about it, but i can truly say that God's plans are the best plans...

i also thank God for friends... this afternoon i decided to take a look at my old tagboard... i read through every single message that was left... i was really touched... bertrand, james, sulynn, chooby, coral, shenna, isaac, aiken, othat, kenneth, fangxian and everyone else...

oh a rather random note, i really miss Sanya... my one and only fairytale land, Sanya will no longer be the same again... to me, Sanya is a place of escape, it's my fairytale land... but slowly, that place will be empty as characters of the story leave and exit the show...

i cried when the news hit me that my fairytale land would be gone... flashback, scenes of past memories flooded my head... even if i return to Sanya now at this very minute, things wouldn't be the same as 6months ago (when i first step into Sanya)...

time flies isn't it? it's been 6 months since i left for Sanya last sept and 3 months since i'm back in Singapore... how weird, how strange...

i miss the monday blues as i prepare to go to school, miss grumbling about the stupid Bus 69 queue at Bedok Interchange... miss the late-nights and random hangouts... miss the friday music meeting/jamming... miss the simpang supper... miss the wake up early on saturday and head down to youthroom to count stock... miss the busy saturdays and beer garden dinner... miss the meredith car-ride and sunday dance slots...

i finally understood how hard it is to climb back when you've fallen from such a high level... i've never given up on my dreams... it was (you) that pulled my dream away from me... i don't blame (you) because i know your reasons... as much as i want to be back at where Maddy was before Sept'08, i can't...

HOWEVER, i know the reason why i still hang on to my dreams and that's because i love God and these dreams are God-inspired dreams... even when i'm out of ministry, i will not stop serving God... i will not stop blessing individuals even if i'm no longer at a "leader" position...

because of the love i have for Jesus, i will make Him famous...

2009-03-05T21:47:00.002+08:00

在这一天渴望时间被上锁
让这一天过慢一点
永远都在日落
一天就让我们在另一边

每一滴雨水的掉落
全代表我对你的承诺

望着橘色黎明的窗前
希望你也看到爱的光线
绕个圈
红橙黄绿蓝靛紫呈现在天边

无可取代(你的爱)
跟你分享的现在
对你的爱
简单的让你明白
无可取代(我的爱)
梦中一再排好的未来
对你的爱无所不在
浓浓散不开

无可取代 (你的爱)
在我心里的存在
我们的爱
绝不是一场意外
无可取代(我的爱)
刻在脑海甜蜜的对白
我们的爱控制不来
满满好实在

2009-03-04T18:51:00.001+08:00

沒開口的話怎樣才能懂
我好想把畫面倒帶回頭
你留在我心中熟悉的表情
每個溫暖純白的記憶穿越了距離

擁擠的人潮沒有人知道
我偷偷想你嘴角就會笑
不要說對不起也不要問原因
就讓世界不停的向前別忘記從前

最愛還是你　這是我的決定
像宇宙相對的星　互相吸引
慢慢就會靠近　還是要愛你
時間會證明　我愛你的勇氣
牽著你的手　才知道是永久

這一次我放棄了所有
是為了再與你相遇

一輩子不放手

2009-03-04T04:32:00.002+08:00

这辈子最疯狂的事，就是爱上了你，而最大的希望，就是有你陪我疯一辈子。
这一生我只牵你的手，因为今生有你早已足够。
认识你才知道，有一种心情叫作想念，有一种感觉叫作爱。
假如可以的话，我愿意花去生命中的每一分每一秒陪你。
幸福只存在于你我相聚的时刻，每天我的动力来源就是见到你，和你说说话。
我愿化作一阵和风，穿过崇山峻岭来到你的窗前，将你温柔包围。
你听见那流星划过天际的声音吗？不管距离多远，总有一个我在等着你。

2009-03-03T02:03:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY MONICA DEAR!!!

p.s: Meizhu dear, i miss you loads...

2009-03-02T22:22:00.002+08:00

walking in the rain brings back memories...

today i went to the airport to send off our dearest Mei Zhu... she will be going to Qingdao to learn business from her uncle for almost 2 months... i'm very excited for her because at least she knows what she will be doing in the next 2 months and she will be able to meet her boyfriend in Qingdao...

looking at myself, i can't help but sigh... "what am i suppose to do now?" is a question that i ask myself almost every hour of the day... no job offers, no interview slots, no anything... when i heard of people getting called up for interview or work and i have none, i really wonder in despair...

"the economy is bad so it's normal to be jobless", that's what they all told me... but what about that girl/guy who got the job offer? i really don't understand as i find myself stuck in a hole... i will try to smile and be strong in front of others but deep inside i'm so freaking scared... scared of the "left out" feeling...

but all i can do is to sing this to You, Lord...

All that i am is in You,
all that i seek is to follow You.
I'll run to Your side when You call,
there is the hope i am longing for.

Just to be by Your side,
there is hope in my life,
there is no greater freedom i'll find.

take my life,
all that i have to give.
take my world,
just to inhabit in all of it.
take my dreams,
make me assuredly Yours.

在雨中散步让我想起很多事

今天我到机场去送美竹到青岛。这次美竹会去大概两个月，而我真的替她感到很开心。因为她会向她的舅舅学做生意，她也能和她的男朋友见面。

我希望雨后的天空赶快来。这场雨已经下了很久，是时候应该停了。我想看看雨后的彩虹，蓝天，白云。不管是工作，亲情或感情，我都希望一切能okay。

因为挣扎了太久，我会慢慢的感到很累。
我只想简简单单的过每一天。

2009-02-25T16:55:00.003+08:00

on a stage, you could be an actress, a dancer, a singer or just something else...
you can see emotions being portrayed; joy and sorrow...
only on stage i feel home...
close to my dreams, close to my goals...

it's hard to get my feet back on the ground...
times like this i really want to give up...

(would someone bring me more chocolates?)

在舞台上的星星，闪闪发光。
我要成为那颗星星。
完成我的梦想，达到我的目标。

回到台上的路很长，很难。
有时我真的很想放弃。

难过的时候吃巧克力真的能让我开心吗?

我不能忘记你的每一个“对不起”，每一个“请原谅我”。
你说的“我爱你”为什么那么痛?
可能我对你的要求太多，太高；

突然想起你的时候，你不在。
就像你说的，
我就是那样傻傻的，笨笨的。
天天拿着手机，
时时看着电脑，
只希望能看到你。

最怕没有你，
最怕听不到你，
最怕看不见你，
最怕最后说放手的人是我。

2009-02-25T01:13:00.002+08:00

歌林多前書 13:4-8

爱是恒久忍耐，又有恩慈；爱是不嫉妒；爱是不自夸，不张狂，不做害羞的事，不求自己的益处，不轻易发怒，不计算人的恶，不喜欢不义，只喜欢真理；凡事包容，凡事相信，凡事盼望，凡事忍耐。
爱是永不止息。

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

2009-02-25T00:03:00.002+08:00

Reasons why i love you...

- you are willing to walk down the whole street just to get chocolate milk tea for me to satisfy my chocolate craving... i was very very touched...
- you sing funny songs and create your own lyrics to cheer me up :)
- you are the only guy who can tolerate my random spurts of emotions :p
- you are willing to spend all your off days and free time with me :)
- you don't mind me being this size, yet you always make me feel confident as myself...
- you always protect me and are always concern about my everything... even a cough...
- you always try to make me laugh with your horrible english...
- you changed your bad habits just for me...
- you keep every note and drawing that i gave you...
- you get super duper touched by my little efforts... you even teared...
- you are the cheerful sunshine who never fails to fill my life with laughter...
- you are not afraid to apologize when you done something wrong...

我爱你的原因

- 你愿意走几条街，为我买巧克力奶茶。那时候我很感动。
- 你会唱歌哄我开心。
- 你是唯一能忍受我的坏脾气的人。
- 你愿意用你所有休假的时间来陪我。
- 你不在意我胖胖的体型，你还让我感到很有自信。
- 你一直保护我，关心我。连一个普通的咳嗽都能让你担心。
- 你常常很努力的用英文来逗我开心。
- 为了我，你把坏习惯改掉了。
- 我给你的每一个小纸条和图画你都会好好的收藏。
- 你很容易就被我的小举动感动到流眼泪。
- 你是我生命中的太阳，把我的心照亮了。
- 当你作错事，你会认错和道歉。

我就喜欢你叫我老婆，叫我宝宝。。。
能听到你的声音，能听到你的笑声让我感到很开心。。。
爱你怎么能了，缘难了，情难了。。。
因为命中注定，我爱你。。。

2009-02-23T15:35:00.003+08:00

these are precious friends who walked with me for about 3 years and more...
thank you guys for everything :)

2009-02-22T17:22:00.002+08:00

i had a dream.
it felt so real.
i wish it could be real.
昨天我做了梦。
梦很真。
我好希望那个梦能成真。

please take me back...
可以带我回到从前吗?

2009-02-22T02:33:00.002+08:00

a child-like faith,
a simple prayer,
a new start...

i will make my way up...

2009-02-14T12:33:00.002+08:00

老公，我爱你。。。

2009-02-13T16:58:00.002+08:00

it's friday the 13th! i only realize it when i was at the Singapore Post Office... oh, and valentines day is tomorrow... haha...

anyways, since it's valentines day tomorrow, i will post something about what i like, what i love and what i always wish for... here we go........

I Like 我喜欢:
- anything that is chocolate
巧克力
- roses
玫瑰花
- teddy bears/stuffed animals
小熊娃娃
- strawberries
草莓
- red juicy watermelons
西瓜
- red bull vodka
红牛伏特加
- rainbows
彩虹
- beautiful fireworks
烟火
- anything pink
粉红色
- boots
靴子
- dresses
连衣裙
- heels
高跟鞋
- bedtime stories
童话故事
- beach
海边
- watch sunrise
看日出
- watch sunset
看日落
- count stars
数星星

I Love 我爱:
Francis 符思强

2009-02-11T19:18:00.002+08:00

love makes my world go round

finally my thesis is DONE! all i have to do now is prepare for the interview next week and it's finally over... 3 years of crazy madness is finally coming to an end... relieved...

somehow there is still a cold war among me and my parents... i don't want to fight with them because of my future... i hate to be in this situation...
"why are you disagreeing to my plan? if you are so smart, why don't you suggest something..."

valentines day is in 3 days time... every year, i will take time off to make gifts and cards for friends but this year, valentines day somehow lost it's attractiveness... hope that my hommies can make that day a better one...

today i overheard a group of secondary school boys debating about the authenticity of their friend's PSP game that was claimed to be "limited edition"... after a whole 10 odd minutes, i can conclude the whole drama with one word...

-superficial-

2009-02-06T01:25:00.002+08:00

说好的幸福呢?

i waited by my phone, by my laptop... waiting for a sign that he is near... waited...

after hours and hours of waiting, i finally got to call him after he knock off... but all i hear was a weak voice, a voice that is too tired to do anything... i wasn't angry... i didn't cry... but my heartache so bad...

2009-02-05T23:03:00.002+08:00

超级喜欢

navigation.direction.moving forward

time and time again those precious memories appears in front of my eyes... it brings smiles, it bring laughter as well as tears... i wish it could never end... i wish that it could stay that way forever...

i wish...

那些美好的回忆常常浮现在我眼前。。。它们带来快乐，带来欢笑，带来泪水。。。
我好希望那一切不会结束。。。我好希望能永远那样。。。

我希望。。。

2009-02-03T22:36:00.002+08:00

a rose for Juliet

朱丽叶的玫瑰

this is the last lap for school and i have to put in all my effort to do well... my future, my plans, my dream are all with God... because i believe that His plans are far greater and better...

i manage to go for cell today... it was really refreshing... to fight the inertia is definitely tough but i will show Goliath, who is the real boss... the untapped power of the Holy Spirit cannot stay unused in me... it's time to face it and use it...

i still remember my "warrior princess" days... the times when i persevere on for the prize... because i always know that at the end of the race God is there waiting... even though i was off track, kinda fell, kinda lost focus, but i know that it's time to return to who i was...

whatever happens in the future, i know that God is in control...

这是我在学校的最后冲刺而我要努力加油，把一切作到最好。。。我把自己的未来，
梦想都交给了神。。。因为我相信他为我计划的一切都是最好的。。。

我怀念以前的我。。。那个很有自信，有目标的女孩。。。虽然我在人生的道路迷
失了方向，我相信现在是回到跑道的时候了。。。

不管将来是怎么样，我知道全部由神来掌管。。。

2009-02-03T00:58:00.002+08:00

looking for a rainbow in the rain
在雨中寻找我的彩虹

2009-01-30T23:46:00.002+08:00

happiness
noun
1.	state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy [ant: unhappiness]
2.	emotions experienced when in a state of well-being [ant: sadness]

幸福的滋味

2009-01-29T23:57:00.003+08:00

新春快乐！
Happy Lunar New Year!

Me and my cousin, Melissa (表妹)
Us in the car... (在老爸的车里)
At Granny's house... (在奶奶家)
My cousin, Michelle and Carol (表妹和表姐)
My family, with grandma... (一家人和外婆)

Daddy and me... (老爸和我)

Last but not least...
My grandma and me... (外婆和我)

2009-01-21T22:24:00.002+08:00

first and foremost,

To "Faith": i didn't become blind after i have a boyfriend... i know that i have family, friends and most importantly God who love me... and i didn't forget them or abandon them okay? at times i grumble and whine about them but i know deep inside that they love me and i love them...

To Coral: thank you babe for always being there for me... for always giving me the advice, courage and love... looking forward to many more years with you!

To BeL: thank you for not giving up on me... it's tough to get out of home now especially with grandma not being able to do much so i have to be home most of the time to take care of her and my brothers... attending cell might be tough cause my parents work till late on weekdays so there's no one for me to "switch shift" with... i hope you understand...

To Josey: thank you for being that awesome friend who first call me when i touch down in Singapore... thank you for putting so much effort into things like making dinner plans and stuff...

To Grace Ke: thank you babe for always tagging and showing your love... i really appreciate everything you said and especially all the warm hugs... really needed them...

To Michelle Guna: hey, i know you're reading this... thank you for always checking up on me and always willing to be there for me and listen to me whine and whine... i know that you're busy with so much stuff yet you're willing to take time off... thank you so much...

To James, Bert, Chooby, Chuan and other readers: thank you guys for all the taggies... these tags really helped me through my stay in Sanya and i really appreciate it...

Last but never ever the least, Isaac: thank you for being that awesome friend who never fail to make me laugh and cry at the same time... thank you for teaching me so much and for changing my mindset about many things in life... your random sms really help me through every tired morning and every busy afternoons... Isaac, you are precious and thank you so much for EVERYTHING...

though there is a price to pay, i never regretted any of the choices i've made...

2009-01-15T22:35:00.002+08:00

this is written after MUCH thinking...

to be very real, i was very very affected when i saw "Faith's" tag on my blog... before i could be all defensive and gearing myself to battle "Faith" out, i took a step back...

i wanted to say "well, you don't know me, you don't wear my chains......" and start cursing and swearing at anything but i didn't... i didn't have the strength to even be angry at anyone at that point... not with my family, not with God, not with myself...

i wanted to delete what "Faith" wrote on my tag board after going to the market this morning... but everything changed when my grandma had to go to the hospital again...

once again she is down and i have to bring her to the A&E... i was there alone, confused, scared and at the same time thinking about what "Faith" wrote... i broke down, i cried... and NOTE, i'm not asking for people to pity me or like come and "sayang" me...

i know that "Faith" meant well and he/she really cares enough for me to tag... whether to encourage or to smack me awake, i thank you for that... (even though it was kinda harsh...)

all i wanted was someone who cares for me when i have to care for others... all i wanted was someone to be there to know that it actually hurts to go through all these... i know it's all the whole "victim mentality" but seriously...

i might be silly, i might be crazy, i might even be very selfish to some of you... but all i wanted was LOVE because i'm hungry and thirsty inside... i am only a human, and i do fall, i do make mistakes...

who doesn't?

2009-01-14T22:23:00.002+08:00

希望，爱，勇气

because of him, i now have HOPE, LOVE and COURAGE to live again, to breathe again...

when no one was around to give me a tissue,
you were there to give me a support...
when i needed a hug,
you gave me strength...

you are more than what i can dream of...

因为有了老公，我有希望，爱和勇气去面对一切。。。

当没人给我纸巾时，
你给了我依靠。。。
当我需要拥抱时，
你给了我力量。。。

你是我梦寐以求的一切。。。

老公，我爱你。。。

2009-01-14T14:56:00.002+08:00

broken by the cruel reality of life
残酷的事实

hey all, this is your fav. 20-year-old housewife blogger; Mdm Xiong... well, today Mdm Xiong wanna share with you what have been happening to her sad little life...

yesterday, i was totally disturbed from my very essential beauty sleep... thanks to mum, dad and aunty... the moment i put down the phone, the next person calls... feels like as if i'm the PA of some high profile president of some Multi Billion Dollar Company... or as if i'm the manager of some A-list superstar...

after that i had to go and pick my lil' bro from school... thanks to some idiotic aunty i was super pissed off... she stepped so hard on my feet and didn't even say sorry... well, if you can't speak english, you can say it in mandarin or hokkien or cantonese or at least show that you're apologetic... stupid idiot... a "sorry" would be greatly appreciated...

then i had to rush down to CGH and do all the admin stuff and get my grandma discharged...

then i called hubby to chat with him over the phone... but thanks to a stupid little jealousy i kinda got angry with him... i mean, it wasn't a big deal but it affected me a lot... then because of some other stuff, hubby screamed at me... scolded me... and i cried...

after i hang up... i went to get dinner for my family... and there was some dinner order taking confusion that really pissed me off... argh... then i had to wait for more than 30mins for the freaking slow 229... stupid SBS and its "NO EFFICIENCY" service...

so as you can see, i had a super tough day yesterday... well, to put it bluntly, i never had a easy day since the day i got back... haha... thank you God for being so kind to my pathetic little life and thank you for nicely planning all these irritating people and events into my already broken life... thank you for Your amazing present for my 20th birthday by telling me my life is about to fall apart...

i just wanna go back to Sanya and leave Singapore forever... singapore is just too cruel to me...

昨天因为爸，妈和阿姨的电话，一早就把我给弄醒了。。。电话一直不停的响。。。
讨厌死了。。。之后，我到弟弟的学校去接他下课。。。然后有一个很没礼貌的中
年女人拆到了我的脚。。。好过份哦。。。可恶。。。真是没礼貌。。。连一句对
不起也不会说吗?

吃了午饭之后就去医院接外婆出院。。。回到家，我就打电话给老公。。。因为一
件很小的事，让我吃醋。。。因为老公有一个很奇怪的习惯。。。虽然他很想吃冰
淇淋，很想吃地瓜，可是他不会一边走一边吃。。。因为他觉得那很不man。。。

所以不管我怎么说他也不会一边走一边吃东西。。。可是奇怪的是，当我的朋友叫
他吃，他就真的吃。。。那很什么耶。。。那真的让我感到很没用。。。因为那样，
我就吃醋。。。之后因为一些“误会”，老公对我大喊大叫。。。他还骂了我。。。
结果把我给弄哭了。。。

挂了电话，我就出门买晚餐给家人吃。。。因为有点乱，所以在我叫东西的时候出
现了一些小状况让我感到很气。。。然后等车等了很久，等到饭菜都凉了。。。真
是气人。。。

自从我回到新加坡之后，我的每一天都不好过。。。每晚都是以泪洗脸。。。我好
想回三亚。。。因为在三亚，我没那样痛苦。。。

i can't be hurt anymore... because i don't have the courage and the will to continue living anymore... i have fought for 20 years and i'm just very tired...
我的弱小的心不可以再被别人弄伤了。。。因为我快没勇气，没能力活下去了。。。
我已经奋斗了20年，已经很累很累了。。。

2009-01-12T22:16:00.002+08:00

in the chaos

在混乱中

stupid skin allergy is back for weeks already... went to the doctor and he said that it caused by the change in environment and lifestyle... sigh... i guess not only my mind is not used to the change, my poor body is still not used to Singapore...

grandma is admitted into hospital again yesterday for having water in her lungs... well, some complications here and there so need to admit her... but she is much better today after all the medication and stuff...

i really wish that grandma will get well soon... i know that her heart is not functioning well now... but i really wish for her to be there at my wedding... to be one of the first few to hold my kids... i want to teach my kids hokkien so that they can talk to her and call her Ah Chor/Chor Chor (great grandma)...

i won't know how to cope is my grandma leaves me... i know she is old and dying is part and parcel of life... but... grandma is very dear to me...

well, due to pressure and tension yesterday at the A&E, i almost broke down... but i tried my very best to stay strong... for my grandma, for my panicky brother Matthew and for myself... sucking back all the tears and mucus (not as disgusting as it sounds), i stood firm and stayed very calm...

daddy and my youngest brother Malcolm came at the very last point and only did the admin stuff before we left... braving all these alone is very scary...

讨厌的皮肤过敏又回来了。。。看了医生，医生说是因为环境的改变，生活习惯的改
变而造成的。。。叹气。。。我看不只是我的头脑不适应，我的身体也不适应。。。

外婆昨天又进医院了。。。因为发现她的肺里有水。。。可是她现在好多了。。。

我真的希望外婆能快一点好起来。。。我知道她的心脏慢慢的变弱了。。。可是我
真的希望外婆能看到我结婚的那一天。。。我要外婆抱抱我的孩子。。。要她教我
的孩子福建话，要我的孩子叫她Ah Chor/Chor Chor。。。

如果有一天外婆离开我，我真的不懂怎么去面对一切。。。我知道生老病死是很正
常。。。但是。。。我很爱我的外婆。。。

昨天在急诊室的时候，我差点崩溃。。。可是我很努力的变强。。。为了外婆为了
紧张的弟弟，为了我自己。。。我把眼泪都吸进去。。。很镇定的站在那里。。。

爸爸是过了很久才到医院。。。因为他要去接弟弟。。。来了之后就签名然后我们
就先回去了。。。一个人面对一切真的很恐怖。。。

2009-01-10T21:44:00.002+08:00

DATES

14th September 2008...
with smiles and laughter...

22nd October 2008...
when i end my search for prince charming...

21st December 2008...
my world came crashing down on my birthday...

23rd December 2008...
the start of my painful heartache...

10 January 2009...
we celebrate our 80days of happiness...

2009-01-09T01:03:00.001+08:00

我真的很想早点定我回三亚的机票。。。我真想回到老公的身边。。。

2009-01-07T22:41:00.002+08:00

as long as i hold on, there is HOPE
只要我不放弃，那一定会有希望的

it will never be the same again,
things that changed will not regain its vintage value;
just like a plaster after use.

the pain, the sufferings,
and all that is attached to these deciding strings;
you will hear as i drag them along with me.

the tunnel is long,
and it feels so empty;
because there is simply no one but me.

you may hear my cries and plead,
but who will truly set me free?

turning the clock is an impossible thing,
a task that can never be accomplished;
but i wish, i wish.

i sing, i dance no more,
as my joy walks out that door.
it could only possibly be,
that nothing is left within me.

i pray that it would not be for eternity,
that these things continue to capture me.
i did not regret the decisions i made,
because i see greater things instead.

这已经不像从前，
东西一旦变了就找不回自己的价值；
就像用过的疮口贴。

这些痛，这些伤，
还有所有被牵连在一起的决定；
你会听见我托着它们走。

这个地道很长，
也感觉很空；
因为只有我一个人在那。

你能听到我的哭声，
但是谁能来帮我呢?

想把时间倒流，
这是一个不可能的任务；
但是我希望。

我不唱，不舞，
但我不后悔；
因为我知道为了将来这是值得的。

2009-01-04T00:52:00.000+08:00

Look at how he captured my heart...

i don't know what to say now... will blog again after the very important "life-changing"dinner tomorrow...

2009-01-01T21:06:00.002+08:00

Cinderella's day out!
灰姑娘终于休假了！

Hello 2009! Well, i didn't welcome the year with a bright and cheery fireworks-filled night... in fact it was one spent soaking in tears... the cruel reality of life totally destroyed my dreams for the year...

being far away from my love didn't help in this situation... we wanted to spend christmas and new year together, counting down and all... well... it just adds in more and more sad-factors...

slowly, i lack the confident for this relationship... not that i don't trust him, but i don't trust myself... i don't know if i can handle not seeing him for half a year... i don't know if i can still stay sane when i can't hear his voice... i don't know anymore...

anyways, i finally had my day out... went out with Coral, Jossie and Isaac... had cakes and tea at Dempsy Hill... a place where you can spot the "rich and famous"... PS Cafe really have yummy cakes... after eating, we went round town to take a look at expensive houses... places like Nassim Road have super nice houses... houses that have many, and i mean MANY expensive cars...

then we had dinner with Gaius, Nelson, Ade and Colin at Block 85... it was nice to just come out and relax... tomorrow will be the start of my battle... school starts for my brothers, Marcus and Malcolm... which means, i have to wake up at 6am, prepare breakfast etc and send them to school... then head for the market... then home and start preparing for lunch and whatnots...

the life of cinderella resumes... well, hubby often encourage me by saying that these are part of my "perfect wife and mother" training... haha... not funny at all... oh well, it's my life... if i don't do it, who will?

i don't expect people to understand what i'm going through because they don't... they may try to sympatize but that doesn't help...

recently i watched a taiwanese drama and i really feel as if i'm the lead character... a "post-it girl"... a girl who do her best to please others so as to be noticed by others... i don't want to be like that forever... again i repeat myself, i don't want to be a wallpaper... i don't want to just exist...

what's my dream?

2009年你好！没有烟火，没有欢笑；我是苦着迎接新的一年。。。因为残酷的现实摧
毁了我的梦。。。

不能和老公一起过年真的让人感到很伤心。。。原本想一起度过圣诞和元旦的。。。
现在不但我是一个人，老公也是一个人。。。一点喜气也没有。。。

慢慢的，我开始对我们之间的感情没有信心了。。。我不是不相信老公。。。我是
不相信自己了。。。我不知道可不可以等半年。。。不知道我会不会因为听不到老
公的声音而疯掉。。。我已经不知道了。。。

今天，我终于能和朋友一起出去，透透气。。。到了Dempsy Hill,吃了很好吃的蛋
糕。。。在那里你能找到有钱，有名的大人物。。。吃了蛋糕之后，我们开车到新
加坡很有钱的地方。。。看看大房子，看看豪华汽车。。。

能够出来感觉很好。。。明天起我就要开始奋斗了。。。因为弟弟都要上学，所以
我一早就要起床准备早餐，送他们上学然后去买菜。。。之后还要做家务。。。

灰姑娘又要开始过没有王子的每一天。。。虽然老公天天都鼓励我说这些是为了让
我学习怎么当一个好太太，好妈妈的过程。。。(叹气)如果我不做，谁会做?

最近我看了一部偶像剧，里面的女主角跟我很像。。。是一个“便利贴”女孩。。。
因为想让别人注意她，她很努力的为别人做事。。。我不希望永远是这样。。。我
不想一辈子做一个不起眼的人。。。

我的梦想到底是什么?

2008-12-30T23:06:00.003+08:00

the Christmas that i really looked forward to but never came...
我期待但没来的圣诞节

Christmas is over and I'm counting down to the start of 2009... i wonder what 2009 will bring... with much excitement and fear i stand at the gate of 2009... as i look back on 2008, i can't help but thank God for being beside me the whole time... even when times i stray away, He never fail to prove His great love for His precious children...

2008 was the start of my 3rd and final year in TP... it seems like yesterday when i first went for orientation... the final year is full of interesting stuff... not only you choose your elective, you also get to choose your internship company...

with the help from God, i manage to pass my subjects and even got my first A... i also want to thank God for the chance to go Sanya for my internship... it's a experience that money and authority can't buy...

because of my internship at Sanya, i met someone special... and i thank God for him...

even though this year is full of rocky roads and steep climbs, all i can say is that God is a very faithful God...

my grandma is much better now, thank God... she got discharged today and now i will be in-charge of taking care of her and the household... as irritating as it is, i always find myself repeating the same thing over and over again...

many times i find myself in a position of just giving and giving... whether at home, in school, or in ministries... because of my responsibilities i have to give up on something precious... because of my responsibilities i find myself different from the rest... i'm just a child forced to grow up...

i can't blame my parents or my family or even God because i know that somehow that would mold me into someone powerful and useful in the future...

Isaac said something that is so true... i feel so tired trying to fit into Singapore again... because I've experience what i really love in Sanya therefore coming back to Singapore is really tough... I'm so tired to the extend that i don't bother what people say about me anymore... you know what i mean? things like my relationship and many others...

i just wanna come back to love God and serve Him... i don't know if i can sing and dance anymore but i sure know that my heart is to follow and serve Him...

can't wait to know the truth...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

圣诞节已经过了，而我现在在倒数着2009年的来临。。。不知道2009年会是怎么样。。。
我用紧张和好奇的心情等待着。。。当我回头想起2008年经过的事时，我只能感激
神。。。感谢他一直在我的身边帮助我。。。即使是我离开他的管辖，他还是那样
的爱我和保护我。。。

2008年是我在学校的最后一年。。。这3年过得好快。。。因为有神的帮助我能顺利
通过考试，还考到一个A。。。我也要感谢神，能让我去三亚实习。。。这个经验是
有钱也买不到的。。。

因为我能在三亚实习，我才能认识一个很特别的人。。。我非常感谢耶酥因为他让
我认识了我的老公。。。

虽然2008年有起有落，路也有点难，可是耶稣真的是一个信实的上帝。。。

赞美神，因为我的外婆的病好多了。。。她今天下午出院了。。。我现在就是负责
照顾外婆和家务事。。。很多时候，我发现我自己一直在为别人做事。。。一直在
给，一直在给。。。因为我的责任重大，所以我从小就和其他的小孩不一样。。。
从小，我就被强迫快点长大，快点懂事。。。

我不会埋怨我的父母，家人或神。。。因为我知道这一切都是为我好。。。

因为想试试适应在新加坡的生活，我感到很累。。。因为我太爱三亚了，所以回到
新加坡真的很痛苦。。。

不管将来是怎么样，我会乐观的面对。。。

好期待真相大白的那一天！

2008-12-29T21:44:00.002+08:00

...precious memories...

was on the phone till 4am in the morning... woke up and went to visit my grandma in the hospital with my little brother, Malcolm... it was tiring trying to fit back into life... had lunch and went home to complete the housework... ironing and all...

i accidentally burn my leg with the iron... don't ask me how i did it but yeah... i got burn... it definately hurt but not as bad as how painful it is to be back...

dear told me a lot of stuff over the phone last night... a lot about his past... not that i'm jealous, but i'm very curious... i know i shouldn't ask, and i will not... well, the past is past but it haunts...

slowly the fear creeps in...

和老公聊天聊到4点钟。。。哈哈。。。然后起床，和我的弟弟一起去医院看外婆。。。
外婆好很多了，应该快出院了。。。想要适应新加坡的生活真的不容易。。。我们
吃了饭之后就回家了。。。因为我还有家务要做。。。

当我烫衣服的时候，我不小心烫到了自己。。。别问我怎么烫到的因为我不懂。。。
虽然很痛但是也没有比回到新加坡痛。。。

昨晚老公跟我说了很多他以前的事。。。我不是吃醋，我只是非常好奇。。。我知
道我不应该多问，所以我决定不问。。。虽然过去已经是过去，但是它仍然的活在
脑里。。。

慢慢的，我开始担心了。。。

我知道老公对我很好，也对我很认真。。。可是我。。。我好怕有一天我会像他以
前的女友一样。。。我知道我应该相信老公。。。可是。。。

我好怕我和宝宝的下场会和她的一样。。。

2008-12-28T19:19:00.002+08:00

oh gloomy day, happy hearts

spent the whole afternoon chatting with my dear online... i'm sorry for making him feel bad about not talking to me... but i really felt very miserable whenever he put down the phone... i know that he is trying his very best over in Sanya...

for me, he is willing to give up his precious, his habits... for me, he is willing to change... and i'm proud of him... as for me, i promised him to stay strong...

今天和老公聊了一整个下午。。。好开心哦。。。昨天让老公伤心，我真的感到很惭愧。。。可是每当他放下电话时，我的心就会很痛很痛。。。非常舍不得。。。我知道他在三亚也是很努力。。。

为了我，他愿意放弃一切。。。为了我，他改掉了坏习惯。。。为了我，他做了很多。。。因为他的改变，我感到很高兴，很骄傲。。。所以我答应他，要好好过每一天。。。要坚强, 不可以哭！

2008-12-28T00:48:00.002+08:00

I love Baby Ethan!

spend more than 2 hours talking to my dear every night... but it always feel that time with him is too short... okay, it should be normal but... i really miss him... i miss the whole 24/7 with him...

life in Singapore just don't feel right now... even though there are friends around me... Every time when people ask me about China, i will think of him... and it gets painful... i can't cry in front of them right?

i wish i could spend more time with him... besides talking to him on the phone, i wish to be beside him... i wanna go back to Sanya... i really do...

天天和老公聊天，虽然聊了2个小时但是我总是觉得时间好短哦！我真的很想很想我
的老公。。。虽然我是回到了自己的国家但是总是觉得很不自在。。。虽然有家人，
有朋友但是没有了老公我觉得很痛苦。。。

人人总是问我在中国的事，每当我说起三亚，我就会想到他。。。好难受哦！我又
不能在朋友面前哭啊。。。

我好希望可以跟他多聊聊。。。但是他每次都会很累。。。我知道下班后一定很累，
但是老婆我也累啊。。。每天等到凌晨1点才能打电话给老公。。。难道我就不是人
吗?难道我就不觉得累吗?

如果天天都是这样，有可能我们之间会淡化。。。我也有可能伤心过度而死，然后
真的是一失两命。。。

2008-12-26T22:51:00.002+08:00

can you see the tears behind those smiles?
你看得到笑容后面的眼泪吗?

2008-12-26T12:57:00.002+08:00

i miss Sanya like crazy... someone help me...

being back in Singapore feels really strange now... people change, surrounding change... and i can no longer fit in anymore... i want to go "home", back to my hostel where i can see my husband 24/7...

no one knows how i truly feel about coming home... they call, they rush, i'm back... but no one knows what went through my mind every minute, what happened during that lonely plane ride...

calling may help... email sometimes works... but nothing beats being there... we were suppose to celebrate our 80days together and do a New Year Countdown... we were suppose to go Haikou for a short getaway...

all is gone now... all...

every night i cry myself to sleep... every minute i can't help but take a look at my iphone wallpaper of me and him... every hour i wondered what he will be doing... everytime when i'm walking alone, i will always imagine he is with me...

我真的好痛苦哦。。。救救我！
我现在已经不知道今天是什么。。。
我不想吃，不想喝，不想睡。。。

我快要疯掉了,
看不见你的笑我怎么睡得着。。。

2008-12-26T00:34:00.002+08:00

Hello everyone, i'm back in Singapore... well, actually i was back on the 23rd but i didn't have time to blog at all cause of all the busy-ness and stuff...

well, coming back to singapore is a really strange feeling... even though my family and friends are here... i really miss him... (ever heard of someone who cried till she nose bleed?)

life is singapore is so so different from sanya... if possible, i really wanna go back there... it's so fun, so relaxed... singapore is just a country whose citizens are on "auto-pilot"...

well, i've already checked out the airtickets back to Hainan... round trip only less than SGD$300... so, i will just have to work till June and save up and i will be able to see him...

老公，我好想你哦！真的希望你能在我身边。。。每时每刻，永远的牵着你的手。。。

小熊爱小强

2008-11-27T19:06:00.003+08:00

我不想再隐瞒了.

这就是我的男朋友,符思强.

和他在一起很幸福.

他的人很好,又很爱我,很照顾我.

我现在都不这么想家了.

因为有了他,我感到很开心,很快乐.

我真希望这个幸福能够永远不变.

好想好想哦!

爸爸,妈妈, 你们会祝福和成全我们吗?

2008-11-12T14:49:00.002+08:00

Romancing Sanya

hello everybody, it's been really long since i last blog or email anyone... just to let you all know, i'm still alive and kicking...

it's almost winter over here in Sanya... drastic weather and temperature changes... now daytime is like 28degrees... and the temperature will drop at night... plus there is strong wind... and the very clever maddy only brought crop jacket that is super thin... haha

i will probably go boots and jacket shopping soon... or else i will freeze to death... ( ps: daddy please bank in money =D )

work have been crazy... time flies, hours passes like mins... today is my 60th day in Sanya... i'm halfway through my OSIP... soon it will be december, my birthday, christmas, new year countdown and then home sweet home...

i really miss home... i miss everyone back home... each and every single one of you... even though there is someone i can't bear to leave in Sanya but afterall Singapore is still my home and all my hommies back home are waiting for me...

lots and lots of things happened during this 60 days... i don't even know how to say and what to say... i'm just waiting to hear God's sweet sweet voice again... i just miss those crazy praise and worship, those mindblowing sermons and all those God-instructed miracles...

feeling the other type of warmth

2008-10-28T20:56:00.002+08:00

我不懂应该说些什么...
好想这可以是我所梦到的...

好希望别人的想法不是那么残忍...
我只是希望有人爱,有人疼...

该说些什么呢?
你们会明白我的感受吗?

好想好想和你在一起...

2008-10-21T11:07:00.002+08:00

hello once again after a long while!

it's my off day AGAIN so here i am blogging away... now i'm like a pro at reading loads and loads of emails...

life is good, God is good...

i'm loving Sanya! haha

2008-10-15T15:38:00.002+08:00

read and interpret my expression!

haha... living in Sanya is rather interesting now... loads and loads of stories... loads of fun stuff... loads of love love going on... living here doesn't seem so bad afterall... don't get me wrong but i still love singapore and my peeps back home...

it's my off day today thus i'm online... i will be posting my pictures on facebook... so you can go checkout my life in Sanya via Facebook...

i don't know how to say... but yeah.... haha... my life in Sanya now is way more interesting than those Taiwanese Idol love drama... hahaha.... everyday is very very "eventful"... the lifestyle over here is also rather different from singapore...

my days in the chinese restaurant just ended... i will be going to beach bar and lobby bar tomorrow for 10 days then to banquet and etc etc... i'm looking forward to beach bar
=)

to everyone in Singapore: i know i've said this a million times but i really miss you all... (i bet you guys miss me too)... i can't wait to be back home with you all... in the meantime, please take care... each and everyone of you...

loads of sunshine and love

2008-10-09T20:14:00.001+08:00

i know that i'm loved

thank God for off days... i can finally rest and relax my tired and abused body... hahah... ahhhh... don't know what else to say... haha... ermmmm... one more day of rest before 4 more crazy madness... haha...

i'm getting to used to living in the hostel and working in sanya... but.... i still miss singapore like crap... hahah....

i will blog again soon

2008-10-08T23:24:00.002+08:00

Wooohooo

finally after so long，i get to rest again。。。today was my third day at Food and Beverage department。。。 it was really tiring。。。

plus all the fear and stressful memory of SSM。。。 haha。。。 but okay lah。。。

anyways， my feet is much better now… now i struggle with the new leather court shoes… hahaha… my poor legs are getting abused… actually my whole body is being abused。。。 ahaha

anyways， it is almost like midnight and i better go off and bathe etc etc…

to all：i love and miss you all… i cannot wait to be back with you all… hugs and a million and one kisses from the other sunny island …

2008-10-05T17:43:00.002+08:00

MORE OF SANYA =)

that's us about to go to the beach before typhoon strikes...
nice view eh?

hello everyone... it's been 3 weeks since i last stepped on Singapore soil... breathe the last mouth of Singapore oxygen... last see my love ones, my awesome hommies, my bed, my favourite food...

3 weeks... it's not that long, and it's not that short... how to say it... ermmm... even though i am adapting and stuff but somehow i really wish to be back home... a place where i can really call HOME...

(goodness, i almost teared! "suck it up maddy, everyone's looking...")

~~~~~~~~~~

i miss my "Ah Ma"... i miss sleeping with her and come home to know that she have cooked a wonderful dinner...

i miss my "Daddy"... i miss watching korean drama with him and commenting on the storyline while laughing at the stupid characters...

i miss my "Mummy"... i miss seeing her fall asleep while watching DVD, miss hearing her snore through the boring dramas...

i miss my brothers... i miss seeing them around... fighting over laptops, fighting over tv and Playstation...

i miss going to church almost everyday... miss attending cell group, music meeting, music prac, thursdy prayer, YA service, Sunday service...

i miss sitting in Meredith's car... miss listening to jap songs with that crazy energy ball...

i miss hanging out with my hommies... miss the late nights at our good old Simpang...

i miss eating at Beer garden... miss all the aunties and uncles there...

~~~~~~~~~~

life is okay here in Sanya... some people are nice... my roomies, Monica and Meizhu are super nice too... but i really miss Singapore... many times i still wish to cry myself to bed... but there's too many people in a room, so cannot cry, will disturb others...

i cried yesterday when i sprain my feet... it's not because of the pain... i cried because the incident cause me to feel so helpless... helplessly sitting on the floor, helplessly holding my feet, not realising that it was bleeding... just sitting there, clueless...

i cried...

my second time crying in Sanya... (the first time was on the bus after first week of work)... now, it's my third time, in the cyber cafe... i tried to hide my tears but it's so hard cause i'm surrounded by people... no amount of happy songs can cheer me up...

the pain is nothing compared to the pain of not being near your loved ones...

i acted strong... saying that it's ok... walk on even with the pain... smiled through the pain...

the quiet one became the silent one... a person of little words... it's all because i don't know how to express how i feel... i don't know who to tell execpt God...

many times i thought that people around me need me... they need my help, need my advice, they need me... but now... i know that I NEED THEM MORE... i need them to keep me sane, i need them to encourage me... i need them around...

i need them to pick me up when i trip and fall... i need them to help me iced my wounds...

i am just but only a human...

.......................

it's not all sad and emo and depressed... there are happy and fun times too... when monica and meizhu tried to matchmake me with any and every china man...

to those who wish to come Sanya, WELCOME! hahah... it's a nice place... nice beaches, fresh air... very sunny if there's no typhoon...

and the KTV is mainly for Karaoke purpose, like KBOX... not those you find in Joo Chiat... hahah

i will stop here for now... i will post more pictures when the internet modem is done...

2008-10-01T21:30:00.004+08:00

(^ ^) Picture time (^ ^)

TP interns, TAS interns and Gloria Resort Sanya's Executive Comm
that's us at Cactus Resort, a sister resort of Gloria...
that's us after a super grand dinner at Cactus...
that's us on the day of our health check... hur hur
our KTV day outing
KTV is super cheap in China

group picture in the KTV!

group picture at the balcony of a suiteRondy our HR Trainer, Monica, Me, Meizhu and CaiLing... (Monica & Meizhu are my roomie)a view from the suite

This is taken at the beach bar... super nice beach...

2008-10-01T20:53:00.002+08:00

i'm loving my off days!!!

haha... even though there's only 2 more days left but i'm glad to have this break before moving into the Food&Beverage department...

just wanna thank God for a lot a lot of things... even for the trials along the way, because i know that my daddy God knows my limit and it will be okay because God is there...

*singing Exceeding Joy out loud*

this morning, God woke me up at 6am... i could not sleep no matter how tired i am... so i decided to read my book, listen to hillsongs... but God prompted me to worship... so i grab my song file and went to the little balcony... then i started singing and worshipping God...

i know it might be bizzare and wierd for my 2 friends (who are not christians) and my china colleague... btw, they were still sleeping... i sang softly (i think...) but somehow they still can hear me...

seriously... being in China is worst than home... at least i can sing and worship God at night and do my QT to as late as possible... well, being in a foreign country, i have to understand and move more or less along with it...

after worshipping for more than 30 mins with just my voice, i feel so much release... so much joy, love and strength...

my soul magnifies the Lord,
my heart joys in God my Savior...
like a David, i will sing, i will dance...
whether in the courts or wilderness,
my lips will not shortchange You of praise...

2008-09-28T19:13:00.002+08:00

HELLO WORLD!!!

Now marks the start of my 5 days holidays!

(thank God for China's golden week）

我很想家，我很想我的朋友。。。

2008-09-24T23:09:00.002+08:00

current emotion status: damn pissed

i can't blame anyone for that mistake...
but i can't just laugh it away like others...
because of that mistake, i spent 1 hour plus at the freaking beach doing nothing but staring at the crashing waves...

why must i be the "suffering" one when others can have fun and not care and bother about any other thing? why must i be the one worrying and panicking FOR YOU?

if you think that being in a foreign country with your parents, your family, your leaders and whatnots is FREEDOM, think again i would say...

seriously, i am seeing you for like almost 24hours without removing the time i sleep and bathe... not that i'm sick of you but i really need some space... there are times that i WANT my space... seriously... like TAKE THE HINT before i shout in your face and things would turn ugly...

there are definately fun times but there are also time to be serious and NO goofying around... don't you understand? no wonder people of the "world" calls you "pure innocent and kiddish"... here i am trying to protect and correct you, yet you are doing what you do...

as a friend, i will tell you what others won't...

i need something to look forward to... something like "oh, i'm packing and ready to leave Sanya"... haha... ok, that's like so freaking far away... gosh...

2008-09-21T20:14:00.002+08:00

hey guys, once again i'm risking my life just to use the internet... hahah... i'm like super hooked on internet lah... hahaha...

anyways, i just had my most tiring day so far... even though it's only 1 week since i left singapore... but yeah... time passes so slowly before me... but who cares... just count down day by day lor ^ ^

anyways, i love one thing about Sanya (so far)... they have super duper cheap magazine with my jap guys on it... hur hur... NEWS, ARASHI, KAT-TUN, Hey Say Jump... hur hur... i both 2 and it cost less than S$5... hur hur...

now my whole body is aching thanks to work... die lah...

i will stop here for now... will blog again soon... bye bye

2008-09-20T23:52:00.002+08:00

Only when you see God's army,
You will then decide to stop running away from your Goliath...

I saw and got the revelation that I do not fight this battle alone... Like King David, I just have to run after God's heart and know that the Lord God will deliver me and grant me victory...

Today is my first off day and I went to sing karaoke with my friends... We sang for about 5hours and it was fun... Then dinner and a little shopping to comfort my broken soul... Haha... Oh oh, guess what I found at a roadside book/magazine store? I saw magazine with my Jap guys... Almost immediately I grab them and went towards the cashier... Haha

Thank God for Jap magazine... Haha

Anyways, I will stop here for now... It's 12midnight and I have to wake up at 6am... So off to bed I go... Night!

2008-09-19T19:30:00.002+08:00

even the hardest of heart,
even the coldest of spirit,
even the strongest of mind,

can breakdown...

i cried... cause it was too painful...
i tried... and i don't intend to give up...
i smile... cause i know that it's according to plan...

looking forward to the day i return back to Singapore

2008-09-18T19:15:00.002+08:00

hello people... After the first day of work, I feel super tired... Today we learnt a lot from housekeeping department... Haha... I've learn how to clean and tidy the hotel room and make the bed... Haha... It's very interesting and fun... Haha

Wahhhhh... So tiring... Haha... Going up and down 8 levels of hotel rooms... I think by the end of my internship, I will come back super healthy and have super toned body... Haha

Anyways, I will stop here now... Gotta go bathe... Bye bye

2008-09-17T20:19:00.002+08:00

Hello peeps!

I just the most scary day!!! MEDICAL CHECK UP!!! I tell you, it's super scary... I almost died... Haha

Anyways, I really miss Singapore... Here in china I have to sleep on wooden planks and have very little rest... In china, I have to climb 6 stories to get to my room... It's madness... Here, I have to wash my own clothes, clean the room and toilet... I also have to poop in squatting toilets that are covered by only a shower curtain... *faints*

So yes, Singapore is way better... I'm getting used to the food here... Even though I miss my grandma's cooking...

It's only pass day 3 but I believe that pray that the 4 or 5 months will pass super fast... Oh, just wanna let you guys know, I will be working in Housekepping department for my first month... I will be shadowing the manager... And tomorrow is the first day so i'm quite excited...

I think I will stop here... Gonna do QT and the head to bed... It's gonna be a ling day tomorrow... Bye people!!!

my pink and purple dream

歌 林 多 前 書 13:4-8

说好的幸福呢?

超级喜欢

歌林多前書 13:4-8